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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Unknown

Unknown Report 16 Nov 2015 00:01

Can anyone tell me the best way to approach someone??
I have found a cousin on my tree The problem is I do not remember ever meeting them and they where born in 1931 so they are now 84
Do you think it would be a good idea to get in touch or let sleeping dogs lie

Regards

SylviaInCanada

SylviaInCanada Report 16 Nov 2015 00:54

are you certain sure that they are your cousin?

If you decide that you must contact them, please do it by letter, explain clearly and simply how you think you are related, and include a stamped addressed envelope for their reply IF they wish to do so

It is a far better idea to contact an older person by letter rather than phone, or arriving on the door step!

Researching:
My brother, photo taken in September 1991 just a couple of weeks before he died. ............................................................ To help us and to get better results, please post as much detail as you can, especially name, date(s) and place. Also say what you already know.

KathleenBell

KathleenBell Report 16 Nov 2015 10:44

I agree with Sylvia. Write a letter as this way the person doesn't have to decide instantly whether or not they want contact with you - as they would have to do if you phoned them.

Put in a stamped addressed envelope for a reply but also ask them to post the envelope back to you empty if they do not want to make contact with you. At least that way you will know that they have received your letter and you won't be waiting for a reply that never comes.

Most older people would be glad of a letter and may reply even if it's just out of curiosity.

Kath. x

+++DetEcTive+++

+++DetEcTive+++ Report 16 Nov 2015 10:57

Put your own address on the back of the outward-bound letter. The ER would have been compiled late last year. If they've since moved, the letter can be 'returned to sender'.

I usually add a sentence along the lines of suggesting they talk to a family member or friend. It implies that it's not a 'scam'. Although the envelope returned empty is a good idea, another phrase for the letter is 'if you choose not to reply, there will be no further attempts made to contact you'.

Explain who you are and - with names - how you are related. Ask if it is correct, or an assumption. If you can print or write out a mini 2 or 3 generation tree, the visual explanation can be useful.

You and Cousin
Your parents and theirs
Linking to the mutual grandparents.

Researching:
Dormant member as from 20 Sep 2019 . Click on my board name to send a message

grannyfranny

grannyfranny Report 16 Nov 2015 16:03

I traced a second cousin on here who had no idea of the existance of my family. I wrote a brief letter and gave my email address. The reply back said they'd never heard of my surname, only their own xxx and yyyy, so I must be mistaken. However when I replied giving a breakdown of how we are related, the family were delighted. And we've kept in touch since, including a visit.

So this may all end equally well. I do hope so.

Researching:
Freeman of Berwick upon Tweed

Unknown

Unknown Report 16 Nov 2015 18:36

Thank you all for your suggestions SylviaInCanada definitely my cousin His father and my mother where brother and sister I probably do not remember meeting him as he would have been about 16/17 when I was born so I may have seen him when I was younger at family gatherings but do not remember him I will write and I will include 3 generation family tree so that he can see where we belong ,Who knows as he was older than me he may even remember me
I will update you all if and when we make contact
Regards
Mary :-D <3