General Chat

What are your thoughts on having an annexe on daughter and son-in-laws house please

It depends how separate you are from the rest of the family.

An uncle and aunt of mine have a large bungalow they sold to their son. He extended it so they have their own sitting room, bathroom and bedroom.

The advantages are that they freed up the capital on their bungalow and can afford to do everything they used to do, such as holidays and days out. As they are now in their late 70's, they feel happier to have help with things as and when they need it.

The disadvantages are the noise from the teenage grandchildren and sharing a kitchen......my auntie tends to get to cook all the meals a as the younger family go out to work all day.

Overall though, they are very happy with the arrangement :-)

Thank you for your comments Kitty. IF we go ahead we will have our own shower room, bedroom, aitting room and kitchen plus share of a huge conservatory. LIKE i SAY THOUGH IT;S A BIG if.

They are working on having their own front door now, they share a landline which can be a bit of a pain sometimes, as my uncle does love a long chat :-D

I must admit that it hasn't got the same feel that it did when they lived alone there, but they are just fine and looked after when poorly :-)

When my son and daughter in law had their house built they did it with a completely self contained annexe ( Own front door and utility bills, 2 bed 2 bath, sitting room, kitchen/dining room with utility room) so either myself or daughter in law's mum (20 yrs older than me) can live there independently.....Not sure how I feel about to be honest....I do like my independence...120 miles away!!!

Misty x

Edit...that said, I guess thinking about it, it's good to know I have somewhere to go, if need be.....

Mistycat, I think it would be very reassuring to have somewhere waiting if you need it, but enjoy your independence while you can. Probably the other mum might need it first, hopefully things will work out right so you don't end up having to share it with her lol

It's certainly a better option than having to go somewhere like a sheltered housing complex in an area you may not like pr worse still, having to squeeze into a family home that doesn't really have room for you.

Lizxx

Hi Phyll,

In principle it is a great idea. Do you live near your daughter and her family or like Mistycat, would you have to move away from your present area. Personally I would want all the I's dotted and t's crossed - especially in regards to any financial expectations that may come with the 'offer'.

I like the idea of totally self contained accommodation, you can then share 'spaces' when you all choose too, and keep your independence as well.

My elderly Mum is widowed and lives in another town to me, I would love her to be closer but she says she would never move back to our town. I can appreciate your daughter wanting you 'near'.

Sorry for delay in getting back to you all but I thank you for your thoughts and comments. Still a lot of thought going into this and I will let you know what we decide to do eventually.
It is a big step to take.

Phyll

WHAT HAPPENS IF DAUGHTER MOVES,WILL YOU BE HOMELESS.
A COUPLE I KNOW MOVED HUNDREDS OF MILES TO LIVE IN THE
SAME VILLAGE AS THEIR WIDOWED SON ,HE NOW HAS A NEW
PARTNER AND IS MOVING AWAY SO THEY ARE LEFT IN A REMOTE VILLAGE
WHERE THEY HARDLY KNOW ANYONE,

I've 'lent' (I'm a realist!) my youngest some money for a deposit on a house - with the (joking) proviso that when they sell and upgrade, the new house will have to include a granny annexe. She agreed!!!

Good point Dizzi but we are going to hang on to our bungalow and let it out so it will give us a bit of safety should that happen.

That's a very sensible idea to let out your bungalow so you have a plan B Phyll. I know of 3 people where it didn't work out I'm afraid and I think it's because we all change as we get older. A work colleague took in an elderly aunt from over 100 miles away rather than see her go into a home and because she'd been so good to her in the past. A few years later she said she wouldn't have done it again. The aunt didn't have her own annexe though so that didn't help. The aunt became more difficult as she got older, was lonely while everyone was working and my colleague had a lot of worry when she had to leave her.

A lady who worked part time with me years ago sold her bungalow to move in with her daughter and family with her own annexe, designed and decorated to suit her. After the move she was a changed person. She hated the lack of privacy as everyone wandered everywhere and, much as she loved her grandchildren, she found it very noisy after living on her own. She was quite an outspoken person too and found it hard to bite her lip at the different way things were done by her family!!! She felt stuck as she had sunk money from her bungalow into the alterations that were made for her. I don't know what happened after she fully retired.

A relative of OH's moved from her cosy bungalow as her son moved away to join him in a place with a lovely annexe for her, own front door, own shower room, bedroom and sitting room. Her cat had to be rehomed as it didn't get on with the resident cat!! It seemed fine for the first year, but she had always been very independent although quite frail and (just my conclusion, I don't know) I think the DIL who was in her 60s herself may have found it difficult to cope, even though carers came in.. Anyway, the next thing was the lady moved happily to a home where she stayed until she died.

I hope it works out for you if you go ahead, but I think you really need to go into detail about how it will work and what you will do if it doesn't work. Good luck!! :-)

I know of someone who was persueded to sell her home and invest the money with family in a larger house where she would have her own bedroom and sitting room an shower room .

The family went out to work so she was home all day so still lonely plus she was expected to housework not only her own rooms but the family living rooms too. She was elderly when this happened and wasn't up to it times it caused friction because she was nagged about her shortcomings !

She was eventually put into a care home a long way from home and not visited that often

The home though was lovely but expensive and she depleted her remaining savings living there

In the meantime the house she invested money into was sold but she didn't get any return on her investment .

She eventually died in the home