Genealogy Chat

Letting off steam ... apologies in advance! Grumpy old woman syndrome strikes again! Yet more people seem to have joined GR and posted tantalising names on the trees BUT, of late, they either (a) don't reply or send an auto reply (b) treat you with suspicion for asking about those ancestors and (c) don't seem to want further information which has been burning a hole in my PC! Even allowing for the confusion of a newcomer (weren't we all once?), basic politeness seems to be missing and, whilst I've learned to 'let go', I just can't understand why these people have bothered to sign up. Meanwhile, I've come to the conclusion that I must have cyber-BO! Grrr .... Jane PS: Thanks for listening!

With you on that one, Jane. Why do some people seem so reluctant to share information with you, and why do others want you to hand it all to them on a plate without making any serious effort themselves? I thought that GR was about helping each other, or am I just being a daft old bat? I even had contact with someone who wanted a lot of information from my tree going back several hundred years, gave me her e-mail address then decided that she couldn't be bothered to type replies any more and suggested that I should give her all the information over the phone. She was in Australia!!!

Am with you, I hate being contacted by someone asking about a person in my tree only to never hear from them again when you send them a little memo back regarding their enquiry if they don't think it's a match. How rude they would think I was if I didn't reply to them for the first time and as for the auto reply... don't get me started on that. Have we lost the art of conversation via e-mail GRRRRRRRRRRRRR Elaine

Gawd I hate the auto reply. You send a mail off giving lots of details about who, where, when and asking if there is a match and you get back 'This is not my relative'. Sounds like a b****** rude robot replying. How long would it take to bung 'sorry' at the front of it. Ive mailed GR about this on a couple of occasions as I get quite flushed when I open a mail to see such a curt rude reply.

How long does it take to type a quick reply just saying 'Nice to hear from you but I don't think we have a connection. Happy hunting'? A few seconds? Whatever happened to common courtesy?

This is my biggest moan also. I always answer every contact, fast, politely and cheerfully, whether we are connected or not. I think less than half of the contacts I have initiated have even bothered to reply. But, there was one who I knew had to be connected, who took 8 months to reply. The reason? She had tried to reply, but for whatever reason, Messages was not working and she assumed that as she wasn't a paid member, that she just couldn't reply! It took another couple of (desperate!) messages on my part before she was able to reply. I wonder if there are other (not full) members who have had the same problem? Bev x

One that saddens me is the very first week on here a man contacted me saying he thought we were connected through my mums side. Now I hadnt even gone further than getting my nans wedding cert at that point, so said sorry I didnt know if we were yet, would get back to him. Roll on two months and I find this guy is def my cousin and contacted him - that was nearly 18 months ago and Ive tried so many times but no answer, seems like he doesnt come on here any more. What a shame, as he was the only one I have found of that line.

I`ve been fortunate so far, most of the enquiries I receive, unfortunately are not connected, but I always answer giving a few details and refer them to my other tree on tribal pages, and so far, except for an odd one or two, have come back to me, but in many cases they have not been doing their history for very long, and therefore cannot tie up any link, perhaps these people should do a it more of their own research first and then could see for themselves if there is or is not a link. However, we were ALL beginners to begin with and should be patient, I know I try to be even though it is difficult sometimes, so just grin and bear it. I`ve also felt a bit guilty at times when I see someone being annoyed becase the person making an enquiry does not stay sitting at the computer waiting for an answer, there may not BE an answer, when I post a query I do try and hold on for a bit, then get on with something else and in between shoot back to see if anything has transpired, and also, there must be others like myself who are perhaps unable to sit for very long. In my own case I suffer from severe osteoporosis and have fractured spine & ribs, this means if I sit too long at the computer I end up in a lot of pain, so there are many times I just cannot stay on line for very long, though I do try now and then to keep havng a look see and send a thank you, even if the answer does not help. There was a complaint yesterday I think about people like myself who do not sit chained to the computer just waiting for a reply. I quite agree that it is frustrating to reply and then find no response, but surely a little leeway should be given, you can not be aware of the other persons situation as to why they are not waiting on the offchance there could be an answer, so to these people I can only say, try and be a little patient in case there is a very good reason.

Thanks everyone for helping me let off steam ... it's reassuring to know that I'm not alone in feeling a bit neglected and malodorous! Agree entirely that 'newbies' should receive all the help we can give them - and that is why I'm usually so patient, people helped me once ... and continue to do so. It's such a rewarding pursuit and all should be encouraged. About a month ago, I had brief contact via GR with a really quite close cousin - we had never met, but I knew about her and didn't know what had become of her. Clearly, she wasn't happy with me contacting her and sensing that, I just fired off another message to say I quite understood if she didn't want to reply ... hoping of course she would, but respecting her right to privacy. Admittedly, I'm a little confused as to why she would have posted her name on the site if she didn't want to link up with 'direct' family, but hey-ho! In the case of the others who've not communicated, well, I have no idea what their links might be - just have similar names and wanted to compare notes and possibly share info. As for being chained to the computer, it's absolutely not a requirement Maud - I realise some folk 'hang out' here for hours on end, but others flit through now-and-again ... me, I'm a mixture of both. So long as one participates and is genuinely interested in family history - that's the main thing. Many thanks again for listening - and wishing you all a positive ancestral hunt! Kind regards Jane :) PS: TC - the thought of you 'quite flushed' conjures up a picture of a charming English rose - hope all's well with you & yours!

Thats life, in all forms, you write by snail mail to a relative and they dont bother replying. You contact a business with a query and you dont get a reply. 8 months ago I contacted the Inland Revenue for a refund on tax overpaid. 8 monthly phone calls 'we will get back to you within the hour' some blxxxdy long hour? Got it in the end though by going to my MP. Its one of those things thats follows you through life, BUT not me!!!!!!! Any message I get I reply to STRAIGHT AWAY. Get over it and dont be so grumpy LOL. TED. ps I dont expect a reply !!!!!!!!!!!!