Genealogy Chat

Thankyou all for your advice. I will phone Bill after I have a reply from his half sister , I have things to chat about so I'll go from there. Then as you say he can then decide what he wants to do about it and who he decides to tell or not. If I don't tell him now, I'm sure in a few years time it'll come out anyway, then it might be too late, which would be sad for everyone concerned. Thankyou all very much for sharing your stories. It has helped me make up my mind. best wishes, Carol x

Hi this is my experience. I have always known who my father was though I never met him. When I reached the age of 40 I thought that I would like to meet him before it was too late, so I started my search secretly as not to upset my mother. My mother died suddenly so it became easier to ask questions. Cutting a long story short a friend of my mums thought my father was dead as she'd seen a death notice in the local paper of someone with the same unusual name. I joined a geneology society (I'm in Australia and pre internet days) and found my father had died 6 months before I started my search. I didn't think twice about making contact but I did tread very carefully... taking 3 days to write and rewrite a letter to the informant on the death certificate. My other brother in England picked up the phone and rang and spoke to what turned out to be our sister (technically half but I don't believe in halfs... she's my sister) I could never have rung as I didn't want to stuff it up and if I said the wrong thing I couldn't take it back. She was totally shocked with my news that her dad had another family to another woman. We have met since and guess what? we actually like each other. After she got over from the initial shock she was chuffed and very excepting of my brother and I. She maintains more contact with me ... a woman thing;-) Personally, and this is just me... I would want to know if I had another sibling and I would want to chance to meet them before it's too late. Hope this helps. Cheers Gerry

Old Crone, You're right. God know's what happened between Bill's Mum and Dad ? But for him not to even have a photo of his father, what a shame for him. He's quite curious about his father's side. As you say what he tells his mother is up to him and I believe he probably wont tell her as she wont speak about his side of the family at all. My own Mum had three half brother's and sister's and to this day they don't acknowledge her even though they're in their sixties which is sad for my Mum and for me as I don't know a thing about my own Grandfather and they would be able to tell me. My best friend has just found out that she has a half sister thanks to this site but her brother doesn't want to know about his new half sister. Everyone's different aren't they? which is what makes this so difficult.

Carol The information you have found is in the public domain so Bill could equally well have found it himself. It is therefore not a secret. I would offer him the information without comment and let him do the rest. He does not have to tell his mother but, excuse me here, what reason does she have for not telling him anything about his father? I can only think spite. I apologise if I am wrong about this. Olde Crone

Old Crone (i'm sure you're not!), Poor you! I bet you feel awful. But as you say, what a thing to keep from someone! Nell, You're right I have to tread very carefully. I have been in regular contact with Bill over the past couple of years. I sent him a copy of all the **** family names from the electoral roll. Only about thirty in the whole country. He saw this ladies name and was curious about her as she lived near where his father died. Bill asked me at the time whether I could write to her so he must wonder if his father had more children. As you say it's his relationship with his mother and brother I'm worried about. His mother has told Bill nothing about his own father (her right of course) and it took me to find out when he died for him. I have only had one message so far from his half sister so as yet I don't know how much she knows , maybe that'll help me make my mind up? Thanks for your input everyone, much appreciated.

I don't see that you can know how Bill would react. These are very emotional issues. You risk upsetting Bill's relationship with his mother at the very least. Tread carefully. nell

Carol Have been in a similar situation recently (friend's brother has an illegitimate daughter he does not know about, but all the family do). I put great pressure on the other members of the family to tell him - they eventually did. It caused no end of trouble - he was so distressed, had to be admitted to hospital. He has fallen out with his family - and my name is MUD!!!! (But I still think I did the right thing.....how dare anyone keep information like this from a grown man, especially when so many other people knew) Olde Crone.

Hi, Bill is in his sixties. I know Bill would be thrilled but he also has a brother who doesn't know he has a half sister and I know Bill's mother would be very annoyed, that's if her son's told her. Maybe she knows about the half sister and doesn't want her sons to know or maybe she just doesn't know. If it was me I'd want to know. Thanks for replying.

You do not say how old Bill is? If he an adult then I am sure he would want to know. Only you know him and how he would cope with finding out. Regards Irene

I have been researching one particluar side to my tree. About a year ago I found a living rellie (we'll call him Bill) in Scotland. I am distantly related to his father. Bill knows nothing about his father and has very vague memories about him as a child. Bill's mother will not speak about her ex husband and Bill has never even seen a photograph of him. I have just found out via genes that Bill has a half sister. Now I don't know if this half sister knows about Bill's existance. Bill does not know about his half sister. The question is, would you tell them? or what would you advise? I know that Bill would be thrilled but I'm sure his Mother wouldn't be. Help!! Turmoil!