Genealogy Chat

I have been asked to help someone find their birth mother. It would appear that this person has somehow obtained details of their birth name, place of birth and mother's name and now wishes to press forward to find the birth mother whilst bypassing the social services 'counselling' process. My immediate reaction is that this is a bad idea and that the process is there to protect everyone involved. I don't think I should touch this but what do those of you with a better understanding of the issues think? I would appreciate your feedback Sheila

You might get her to look through the thread i have just put back to the front for you. generally peoples experience is better - or so it seems- if they do have the councilling at the time of recieving their file. she may have her birth cert, but that alone doesn't really tell the story. the file will contain possibly other info which might help her understand the circumstances before she dives in head first jess x also adopted, and done the finding thinggy!

Yes, I'm another one with the bitter experience of adoption searching, and I would definitely advise not to bypass the system! It sounds daunting, but the statutory Social Services counselling session isn't as bad as it seems. And like Jess said, you can obtain more information than is on the birth certificate (they will usually obtain information from the adoption file, if not the whole file itself). There are so many possible scenarios, the main one being painful rejection, but also the birth mother might have died etc. Your friend really should get some advice or experience from somewhere, even if she's determined not to go via Social Services. Mandy :)

PS Please reassure her that Social services are neutral - they dont force either party to do anything they dont want to. is she doesn't want to meet her birth mother , and just wants to know about her, they will not pressurise her. On the other hand they will act as an intermediary and write to BM if you want them to (mine did initially for me) which actually took stress away from me, not create any. The letter then went back to SS and was subsequently given to me, after again discussing it with post adoption councillor. jess x

Jess and Mandy Thank you for confirming what I thought. It's a 'he' incidentally and I think he has psychiatric problems, so all in all I believe it would be dangerous to try to take any short cuts. Thanks again Sheila