General Chat

But this one is slightly different and still very funny.


• How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.


3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.


4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.


5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.


6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.


7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.


8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw


9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid
to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.


10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

• 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.


12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into
fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.


13. Tie the little b******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.


14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.




Ann
Glos

Hahahaha, brilliant Ann, I've not seen it before.

Tina x

very funny ann,that sounds exactly like my cat xx

pmsl very good ann x

Nice one Ann.... have yopu ever been in that state over a cat??? ;-0)

Deanna X

Deanna, almost, when we had her our cat could smell a pill a mile away, until we put it in crab paste!!

And don't you believe that dogs are any better, the two we had were awful at taking pills.

It always gets me when the vet just opens their mouths and shoves the pill down and they swallow it!! as much as to say 'see it is easy peasy'.

Ann
Glos

One of our cats is so greedy she eats anything including pills. When dog needed them we put them in her food trying to fool her, she shakes her head and cries at her bowl. So had to hide pill in chicken. She ate it then so whats the difference?

*groans* I have laughed my socks off... whilst collecting all the armoury I am likely to require, lol!! I have a vets appointment with my eldest girl at 3.50 today... she is usually very good about pills.. but it is her mouth that is sore, so I am dreading having to give her a tablet!!

Love

Daff xxx

I need to give the pill to three of mine this afternoon and will push it inside a prawn. Thankfully they will soon be having the op so no more messing around giving them the pill every fifteen days;

xx Jill

Aaaaahhh the memories of owning a cat!

Ann...your posting brings it all back to me. Very funny. LOL!

Teresa......owner of late Siamese puss.

My dogs don't even need the pill wrapping in anything. Problem is to make sure the right dog gets the pill.

This reminds me of a friend of ours, he took his
cat to the vets for some injectiouns just as the
vet was going to inject ,the cat shot out of friends
arm and the vet injected him instead.

Jean x

Oh Anne how true,

been there ,done it, got the tee-shirt !

just one thing missing,in my case,the OH who won't hold the cat in case it scratch's him,or won't open his mouth and put the pill in in case the cat bite's him.