General Chat

Does anyone else here have problems with step children?

I have horrendous problems with my 19 year old step daughter and am looking for a suitable forum to vent and perhaps get advice. Can't find a website for the National Stepfamiies Association.

I have been to Relate before, but looking back they were no help at all.

Cheers

Sheila

my daughter has a 6yr old stepdaughter and they really do have a mutual love for each other, on the other hand my mother married my stepfather when i was 15 and i was typical resentful teenager for no real reason that i can think of now. it wasnt until i left home that we started to get along although we were never close we treated each other with respect and i know he really cared for my mum so that was ok by me.

same here Christina

my oh is stepdad to my children for 33years they have always called him dad they love him to bits as he loves them there been a few hiccups along the way like any family not one of them have ever bad mouthed him i never would let them he adores the grandchildren and they love him to
my oldest grandchild was introduced to my ex
her words was but i have all ready got a grandad

on the other hand family member spouse was a evil
b---h to my very small nieces she only saw them every 2 weeks

I have always said this

step parents have a choice [ except those whose partner didn't know they a child /children

did any parent ask the child/children if they would like a step mom or dad

no i didn't but thought about years later it turn out good for us but that is not always the case

Joan G

My o.h.'s sons were 15 and 12 when we met, both spoiled ill mannered brats who played each parent off against the other. They got no discipline from the mother who let them get away with anything and everything for a quiet life. O.h felt guilty for splitting the family up, (not because of me, he had an affair before me) blew hot and cold, would give into them one minute and explode the next. He never encouraged respect or politeness to me and my son, who was between their ages and so there was always bad feeling. It is only in the last couple of years, now they are in their 20's that they have thanked me for looking after their father as they obviously realise what hard work he is now.
Wish I had never bothered with any of the family.
Lizx

I suppose I'm lucky in that the youngest of OH's 3 was 18 when we met, the 2 older ones already at university (neither of these 2 moved back home permanently). I was a bit wary but they are all nice people and seemed OK about us. They are now all in their 30s and we seem to have had more trouble over the last 2 years than the rest of the time put together. A long story, but the middle son has had lots of depression related problems and it's damaged the relationship he has with OH. Youngest daughter has also had family 'issues' but things are better there hopefully.

I used to get so upset about it and convinced myself that they all hated me, but I am now more laid back and try not to get involved. the downside of this is that I don't always feel 'part of the family'! I don't have any children of my own, I never wanted any and I would probably not have got involved with OH if his children had been very young.

Have you tried Parentline?

Malc and I have had many disagreements and upsets because of his youngest two children. Both my girls have accepted Malc and he treats them like his own. He is the father that they never had. I am very lucky with Malc and my girls and have worked hard with his two children, but they do not make things easy.

Jackie

My OH is finding the girls (step and his own) 'difficult' now they are teens. I look at his own family background and can see why he has problems.

Sometimes its not the child who is at 'fault'. As adults we often need to take a step back and re-assess their confusion.

love Theresa

Years back I was a 'stepdaughter' I found this so hard to accept as I was the one living 'away' at the time, but in time I got on really well with my step sisters but it can some take time for some kids to adjust.

Think a lot depends on what is said them behind closed doors, re reasons for why they are in this situation etc

Kim

I want to add more to this Sheila and will later,when Ive got the kids from school.

I have experiences of step parenting and my OH is step parent to my eldest 3,

Caz xx

Jackie, I understand what you are saying.

My husband was stepfather to my three children, and he had a very hard time from my eldest. The two youngest saw him as their father.... but the eldest eventually managed to destroy the relationship they had with each other.

Sheila, it is one of the hardest things in the world, and all you can do is love them.
At the same time., I would say... take no rubbish from them. YOU deserve respect.

Good luck,
Deanna X

Sheila

My Ex husbands children were just darn dreadful..... I was punched in my own home, had money taken from my purse, been constantly lied to etc etc etc ...... they were 17 and 19 when I came along and neither of them lived with us, but they soon realised that they could be majorly disruptive if they got to me instead of their dad!! I was even abused the day his daughter got married by his family even tho I had paid for the wedding!! I will add that his ex-wife's family were and still are FANTASTIC people, just a shame she was MAD!!

Sadly they think they won as I walked away, but in truth they lost someone who gave them more time than their own mother did!!!

Sadly I never found anyone to vent at other than these boards!!

xx

Pinks... snap.

Mine lost out on a good father.
In a hurry to get their own back.... they forgot how selfish their own father really is.

My husband was a bachelor and and their father had deserted us... so there was nothing for them to rebel against. But i have to say that it is hard for the kids.
And that is as much as i will allow them!!

Deanna X