General Chat

She has a teenager (17), who can be a lovely person, BUT and here's the but, she/he persistently leaves every area of the house in disaray, the bedroom totally unlivable {I can sympathise with that one--I get told it's a "teenage thing by my 16 year old!! :o)}, she/he shows no respect to the house, invites friends round and they end up "dossing" on the floor, expects to be given stuff without earning the right to it and doesn't look after anything, she/he can be very rude and bolshy to her/his parents and mean to little sister. But the same teen can be lovely!
9Jeckle and Hyde come to mind.I've told my friend to with-hold pocket money and try grounding--she has but she says it doesn't even seem to "fizz" on her child, she /he just doesn't give a hoot, I've suggested she gets her wayward teen to get a holiday job (I've told mine to get looking-lol)
Any suggestions???
(I've tried to hide the identity as not to embarras my friend)

Hi Charlie, Iv'e brought up four kids so know the awful teen years. One way to get my daughters to clean up their grotty rooms that was quite effective. Sweep everything into the middle of the room, clothes, cd's make up, shoes ect, and when they come in, threaten to throw everything into the bin if they don't sort it .....................now. I once did this and never had any more trouble in that dept. As for the other trouble, your friend will just have to grit her teeth and wait till the phase passes. Teenagers think that they are the only person that matters and that all should pander to them, that is the nature of that age.

i've had the uninvited party mysef but I went ballistic in front of her friends and she was mortified!!!
I'l show mt friend the thread later, I've told her it's just a phase, but it is very hurtful when they accuse you of not loving them and when they just have no regard for anything but themselves, isn't it. my other teen is more laid back, but he has time yet as he's only 13!! help. I just can hope eh lol!!! I'll be there for my friend to bend my ear and I know she'll appreciate the adice given.
I've never tried tossing things out the window--what a briliant idea pmsl
Carol

One of our sons went through an untidy stage and I took anything he left lying around down to the garden shed - they grow out of it eventually.
Liz

Next time the house is full of overnight dossers, get them up at 7 o'clock to clear up their mess before they're allowed any breakfast - then make them wash up their stuff afterwards. (dishwashers not allowed - remove fuse if necessary lol!)

The rule I have (which I grew up with) is that I have to be able to cross their floors to get to the window. If I can't I'm entitled to tidy their rooms my way - they HATE this and have a huge tantrum then stay just tidy enough for weeks.
The other rule I grew up with is "if you're going to be horrible - do it at home" - your friend's kid is certainly doing this, so you can be reasonably confident that she is behaving outside the house and will be a civilsed member of society when she leaves home
I expect your friend is doing a really good job which will be much appreciated by her daughter in a year or two and forever after.

Dear Charlie Chuckes

House rules: Teenagers share the house with their parents and siblings and therefore need to show them respect.

1. Said teenager needs to tidy up after herself in communal areas

2. If she wants to sleep in a bedroom that is not good, then the parents should insist no food in there.

She is 17 and can make her own washing arrangments etc. She will soon run out of clean clothes, bedding etc.

3. As for inviting so called friends around to doss, NO WAY.

At 17, she is a responsible young person. She cannot blame being an adolescent any more.

With rights, comes responsibilites and duties to your family and your home.

Best wishes to all.
xx

Your friend is too soft and will do no good until she gets tough!
She should be able to get rid of the 'friends' just by ordering them out and making a fool of her child.
If the child is 'clean' she could say how the bedroom 'stinks' - or something that will embarrass him/her and say it in front of the friends.
She can be a loving mother and still show them who's 'boss' by demanding full respect from them - or else!!

I was asked to look after the house while a neighbour was away, son was home and what a state, he thought I was going to clear up after him, but no I just used to fed the cats, and take the post in.

He would walk over the post instead of picking it up. had girl friend there and remains of their breakfasts was left in the bedroom. He did use the Dyson on clearing up, and thought it would take beer bottle tops as welll so broke this. All crockery put in sink, and there was a dishwasher.

He is away from home now, so much easier for me now when I am asked to look after home and cats.

Mo

Many years ago I gathered up daus clothes and chucked them out of my bedroom window (landed in back garden) told her next time out of her window (which would land in front garden)! It worked.

Oh the fun of having teenagers!!!.......not that we drove our parents mad.......

I agree with what others have said.....house rules or else, and you have to be strong enough to enforce the or else......

when my son would not clean up his room, I would rake it inot the middle of the room and bring the big bin inside and park it outside his door, only threw it all into the bin once, he learnt after that...

our teenagers do their own washing.......it does use more resources, however they soon learn if its not clean..... tough....oh and NO using the dryer because thay forgot to wash in time or a $10 up front cash fee applies.

our teenagers also have to cook one night a week and clean the kitchen afterwards, or no food the next night

I think the most impotant thing is to work out what it is you want to happen and what the consequences will be if they dont, and then sit down for a family meeting and spell it our very clearly, in words of one syllabul or less!, so there is no missunderstanding. It might also help to print up the rules and dispaly then in a prominant place.

Good Luck

June

Once they have started to drive, they arrive home and state "your car is almost out of petrol"
One evening our younger son was out in my car, and the elder son, whose car was in the garage for repair, borrowed my husband's - if we had wanted to go out we would have had to walk
Liz

I used the one where you dont wash anything that is not in the bin. That worked. I used to ask my son where he was going to be when he went out In case I needed him, and he got very shirty about it until one of his mates said, You should be glad you have someone who cares enough to ask.
He was never allowed to touch Dads car, but I did teach him to ride a motor-cycle. When he smashed that up he had to walk wherever he wanted to go until he could afford a bike. Sounds hard but it worked and he was eventually one of my closest friends.