General Chat

AHH some luck, a lovely person from GR let me look at their tree, we are related and just from looking at there tree it confirmed some info, and I have gained so much from just looking so thank you

I have to say that I didn't join GR or any other site because i wanted to help other people do their tree...nor to ask other people to help me do mine!

Both those things have happened of course :) I have found out a small amount of info from hot matches, mostly on branches of my tree which whilst interesting are not particularly 'close' , and handed out a considerable amount of info which people have added to their tree ( I know because i am now getting 'hot matches' to the info i have given lol) and i am happy to do so.

I have been 'lucky', I don't have a huge amount of money, and while i can afford at the moment a sub to ancestry I can't say that will always be the case. In any case most of the info I have found there has been in the free two weeks...working on it till 4 am . There has also been some great help on threads where I have asked specific queries and a lot from free sites.

People may not reply, for many reasons, like Daff it may be homelife, it may be that they joined for 6 months and are no longer here...it may well be that they don't WANT to do a big tree with 'branches', just a direct line for their own satisfaction...maybe they just know all they want to about their family and don't have time to pass it on to a stranger nor want a stranger telling them things they would like to find out for themselves lol.

It is frustrating if you think someone holds the key to the 'missing link'...I thought I had found just such a one on Ancestry...but realised they knew less than I and had just shoved on a random name lol...so wouldn't have helped if they HAD given it to me over here... maybe it is best to plough on for oneself...all the satisfaction of 'finding the treasure' is then yours alone ;)

Rose xx

I was going through My Names today and found ONE member Had 5 attempts at starting up.
ie 5 different member numbers so there are 4 accounts that likely wont answer....

Bob

Ann, I think most of us have the kind of response you have had... they are name gatherers I expect... going for quantity not quality... and we just have to grin and bear it... unless they have living members on their tree who you know haven't given permission.

Angela, I didn't want understanding of my cancer, or sympathy... what happened to me was just one of those things... it could have been anyone, just happened it was me...

I am on a budget too, so please do not make assumptions, mine are usually gifts. We also all have to purchase the odd certificate or 5 to verify our research... I have a whole load of unusable (to me) certificates to prove that point... I also join the sites I can, do look ups for others as well... and am more than happy to share all the information I have to those who ask it of me. Including certificates, notes, photos etc

My point is.. and was... that not everyone feels up to posting or answering pm's, and if they are dead, like my cousin and a family so devastated and computer illiterate that they didn't know how to get into her account to cancel it

I understand that, and empathise... not everyone wants to reply to Hot Mail requests if they are ill or recently bereaved or whatever... I always tried to answer, briefly, just to say I would get back to them when I felt well. Only one was snotty, and the whinge (yes it was a whinge) ran along the lines of why bother to join if you aren't going to share etc etc.....

Everyone else was brilliant.... and all have now been responded to properly and in depth, even the smiths and the joneses that have nothing to do with my own tree.

But I know that I felt pressured by at least 3 of this sort of thread, to answer and reply, and do searches through my own stuff, when I just didn't feel up to it. And even now... I get a frisson of guilt when I see one in case I have missed someone out and not responded, and it is ME being talked about here!

Other people might be in a similar position... and might just not be up to it... yet. A little bit of empathy and understanding in case this is so... rather than the usual *why do people bother to join etc etc etc*

Never ONCE have I seen a thread put up entitled something like *Hot Matches, Maybe people are too ill to respond, if so, hope you get well soon*
No... they all go * why bother...* *what is the point?* *I am fed up with*

Tracey... my comment was also just an observation... every couple of weeks there is a thread similar to this one that goes on the boards... sometimes chat, sometimes general, but all bemoaning, complaining, stating an opinion, whatever one wishes to call it...about the lack of responses to Hot Matches.. my post was my response.....

In My Opinion... I am also entitled to have one, and to respond accordingly, as I have done here.

Good luck with your research

Love

Daff xx

Well sorry to hear of your cancer, but I thought thats what threads are for esp under general, and the advice about joining expensive sites, great if you are made of money with lots to throw around on expensive sites, not so good if you on a budget but thanks for the help.

I also want to thank the people who do a search for others who cannot afford to, you are awesome, any help is much welcome, I know from experience the time it takes to look even for the smallest of hints. keep it up, it is helpful and can make a difference to us. cheers

Nobody was whinging.....merely making an observation.

Tracey

My cousin died over 3 years ago... her distraught family eventually got her account deleted, after I had alerted them to the fact it was still coming up as my best *hot match*

Thing is... I discovered last week, that there is probably another account of hers... probably one set up before she became ill, a *freebie* account with a very old number, which fits... she set up the main, paying one while she was undergoing treatment, 5 years ago, her number on that one was just a bit older than my own.

Thing is, she can't answer, can she? she's dead.

Maybe that is what has happened?

I am in remission from Leukaemia... and for about 12 months, I didn't want to get involved with Hot Matches, research or dead relatives... I was too close to joining them, and trying too hard not to!

Every so often, I would try to answer... and explain... but why the blinking heck should I feel the need to explain my circumstances?

Because of threads like this one, that is why.

Because too many people come onto these boards moaning and wringing their hands... if you want to know... buy the flaming certificate... join the expensive site... it is what the rest of us do... this hobby does not come cheap.

So I have to say, if someone doesn't answer you straight away... instead of whinging, why not think of the horrendous things that might be going on in their lives? And go and do your own research while you wait for them to get better... or until you see them appear in the *deaths* section of the BMD

A really irritated Daff

It is annoying, I've got two unanswered messages, one 21/6/2009 and one 1/1/2010, which the addressees haven't opened.

I have the same problem, No old relatives alive to help the search, but found two on GR via hot matches and they have not checked their box, so until they decided to check and help I am stuck as only have word of mouth about the info of the grandparents and even that is sketchy, unless I pay a fortune to look at other sites, with info I am not even sure of. never mind one day...:-)

Problem is, how do you define a "Current Member" ? I have been in contact with a distant relative of my wif'e who logs onto GR once a year to answer messages. Would she be classed as a "Current Member" ?

About the best you hope for is to be able to check when a member last visited the site.

it is a pity that there is not available,a function/request to GR to find out if these possible contacts are still current members,dont you think?.

and after all, even FREE members can respond to email/Pm's?,


it IS also possible that people change Email addy's without
updating their GR one....

Bob

Has he read the messages? Go to your "Sent messages". If something hasn't been read there will be a purple envelope symbol next to it.

Rose

There is a man who appears to have virtually all my family in his tree-I have sent numerous messages requesting
access to his tree
information on how we are related
He has never replied-guess there is little I can do but it is so frustrating!!!!