General Chat

Morning all,

Raining steadily here and there's no wind so it just falling straight down.

David yes the fishermen use it as bait and the carp love it.

I think the weather has stopped work on the garden but oh is in his filter shed muddleing around in there and I have to go to the shop and then I am going into my shed to potter around in there.

What are you lot up to today?

Nothing really Mel! We shall watch the Trooping of the Colour on TV, but apart from that who knows!!! No spam wasn't spicy, it was like luncheon meat, ok, but not very exciting! I remember codliver oil of malt! I loved it, Delroser was before my time, my children had it, but I had concentrated orange juice. L hated Delroser, but then she hates fruit, M loved it!
Raining quite hard here so an indoor day I guess! How's Thomas Jane?! Hopefully he's feeling a bit better today.

Morning All,

I have seeds for those Cuecemon plants Mel. I haven't planted any yet so will be interested how yours do.

I remember my sister having Gripe Water as a baby too. That must have been bitter as she would pull faces when she had that! I think it was for colic or upset tummies.....something like that. Famel Syrup is something I remember being given.

Must go now....OH is ready for the off!!! BBL.

Mel, I looked Bude Canal up and was surprised to read that in
March 2008 a storm wrecked one of the lock gates.
It was dredged. Gate repaired in the July.

Thats right David. We like to lean on those gates and look out over the beach. When the tide comes in below to the right of the gates the children fish for crabs. The children also paddle right up to the lock gates when the tide is out.

Who is my neighbour?

This is an inevitable question requiring an answer from time to time particularly when you move house or the building next-door is sold to a new occupant.

The Catholic Church Catechism answer which I learned at junior school many moons ago is as follows: ‘My neighbour is all mankind, even those who injure me, or differ from me in religion'. A simplistic answer suitable for young school children which probably needed a bit of tweaking in adulthood.

'Random acts of kindness - no matter how big or small, do good & good will come back to you'. A regular contributor to various GR threads has this saying in the 'Researching' box & it is another positive aspect of neighbourly living.
Both items which I have highlighted above lead nicely to my main topic of 'who cares'.

We know how great it is to have family support. My mother used to remind us that a good neighbour was often just as important. Family members were expected to 'muck in' or generally support the household - no questions asked nor reward expected. That's how things are done.

But a good neighbour can usually be relied upon in emergencies. So, it is important to cultivate & maintain good neighbourly terms. Emergencies can happen on either side of the boundary fence - as highlighted by the recent storms & flooding.

Moving to a new home has much strain & stress even when the transactions of buying & selling go without a hitch. An occasional miracle, perhaps! I always looked forward to meeting my immediate neighbours within days of arrival. In many instances, the people next door would usually pop in for the usual introductions & generous offering of help, if needed. Some are usually bubbly characters where building a friendship is easy - no apparent airs or graces & they get along famously too with the other member of the household - my cat.

In my latest relocation (hopefully my last one too other than the final short & mournful journey to the local cemetery - but not just yet!), there was an unusual exception in that one of my immediate neighbours gave the impression of being a bit 'stand-offish' - or so I thought. I didn't lay eyes on her for several days. It didn't worry me greatly for a while as I was busy getting my new abode into some sort of acceptable tidiness. Indeed some weeks passed without a real opportunity to speak to her. I later found out from others that she was an elderly lady not in the best of health with a husband of ill-repute, whatever that may be. All her fairly large family were grown up & married in homes of their own.

I'm not exactly an 'in your face' sort of character nor am I one to loiter shyly behind pillars either. When the house move was pretty much settled & I could locate the kettle without too much difficulty, I quietly posted a note through the said lady's letter box inviting her to pop in for tea, cake & a chat.

On her return from a bit of retail therapy (that's shopping to you - it means Purgatory to me), there was a very gentle knock on my front door. My cat makes more noise than that in his comings & goings! Brief introductions over & the kettle steaming away, I produced the promised tea & cake - all very British-like with the best China cups & saucers I could muster. Chipped mugs have a regular attendance in our kitchen most other days when nobody is looking.

Enquiring tentatively about her family status, she really did open up about her life. And I got the impression that she had very few dealings with others in the immediate area.

Well, to make a long story even longer, I was told that up until recently, she had a husband (a jealous devil, by all accounts) who, between them, somehow managed to produce & rear seven children. Nature is wonderful, isn't it? All are grown up now, most of them are married with families of their own.

She added that none of them seem to care less if she was in hell. An odd comment, I thought as I sat quietly biting my nails trying to desist from blubbering. She claimed she didn't have one real friend in all her 80 years simply because of her now deceased husband's intolerance.

On her own after so many unhappy married years, she has been prescribed ongoing medication because she feels so lonely & depressed. She claimed she often wished she was dead. None of her family, some of whom live fairly close by, speaks to her & she doesn't know why - even though they do not hesitate to help themselves to her widow's pension money as if she was their ATM machine. Even worse, she said she has not seen a few of her many grandchildren.

Is this life? Trying to put in a day, let alone a week, a month or months on end, without a word to or from anyone. It must be sheer hell. Loneliness in old age must be deadly. What a disgraceful way to treat the elderly - doubly so when parents are pushed aside.

Having listened & sympathised with her story, it distressed me so much I found it difficult to find suitable words of comfort for her. I have had no personal experience of disjointed family life. This poor lady is absolutely & utterly miserable in her life. What a disgraceful way for her seven children to treat her.

She repeatedly mentioned her deceased husband's jealous streak. I didn't delve too much with her on this item & I can only assume that this poor individual was & still is completely isolated as she was not allowed to have any sort of life outside her home.

It seemed to me that she & her late husband simply existed together in imperfect harmony. Divorce was not an option - she being a devout Catholic - whatever that means in those set of circumstances.

It is sad if youngsters just get on with their own lives & conveniently forget about elderly parents. How anyone can turn their back on the mother who gave birth to them, who looked after them, reared them, nursed them when sick and, in some cases, probably went without so that the children could have something, is just beyond comprehension.

How these same children can call themselves human beings is a mystery to me. They should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. As in this example, the added insult was to cut off contact with grandchildren who should be allowed to bring such joyful happiness into the grandparents' lives. 'Children's children are a crown to the aged'. (Proverbs 17 v 6).

Sometimes the smallest gesture can have the most enormous implication. A simple hug, even in our nation of 'non-huggers', between grandparent & grandchild can be more effective than any amount of eloquent language.

We are constantly being reminded of the two sides to every tale. The question for you to consider, dear reader, is - should I poke my inquisitive nose further into her circumstances & attempt to meet with the estranged family members? Or, should I mind my own damn business & walk by on the other side?

End of part 1.

Part 2 to follow - but only if you are interested in what might/might not/did or did not happen next.

Mind you, some readers could possibly fall asleep while perusing my next fantastically dull episode. You have been warned. :-\

What a fantastic spectacle the Trooping is, and the crowds were enormous and very affectionate. Made me proud to be British.
Stopped raining now so we're off out.

Afternoon All

What a wonderful Trooping if the colours :-D.It always amazes me how all the horses are so well behaved.So many of them too.I remember the runaway on the Mall some years ago where he left his rider somewhere lol
I did think the Queens outfit was absolutely hideous !!!!.What a colour.Not a good choice.

Rosehip Syrup was a big favourite of mine.I loved it.Also the Gripe Water .I remember climbing up on the side of the bath to the cupboard where it was kept and having a sneaky sip .I'm not sure they still do it.

Well last night went well.I did sleep on the settee and after rearranging various cushions I slept until 5.Thomas slept all night too.He has had all his meds without fuss again this morning :-D.I can see him looking out from his prison.He really doesn't like to be shut in.But he has had a fair bit of wandering the lounge this morning and now needs to really rest his leg.I am so scared of him overdoing it .

When is Frank home? I'm missing him.What with all going on with Thomas I seem to have completely lost track of days.

No rain here so far,but still very muggy.I reckon we might be in for some later.Hopefully not thunderstorms though.

Dermot I see another nice long post from you.I will grab a bit of lunch and have a read :-D

Pork pie devoured and I have read your post Dermot .
My advice would be not to try and get involved with your neighbour's absent children.But to continue to be a good friend .Who knows what has gone on in the family.You don't know what you may stir up.For all 7 of her children not to care about her is terribly sad.There must be a jolly good reason though .Who knows what went on.The husband sounded a right controlling person. It is a real shame though that you seem to be this elderly lady's only friend.
My BIL is an only child and is at this moment up in Leeds sorting out his Mum who is in hospital at the moment.She lives in sheltered accomodation which also has a 'home' attached.I think it is a Catholic run place.So he is arranging for her now to move into the 'home' where she will get full care.She is a very difficult lady and it would be quite easy for BIL to wash his hands of her as she has been quite nasty in the past to my Sister and her children (from her first marriage).She never accepted that her beloved son divorced his first wife and married my sister.She is a devout Catholic.
But being the good son he is wanting to do what he can to make sure she is going to be in the right place.
What is that saying? You can choose your friends but not your family
:-)
Waiting for part 2 now Dermot :-D

I think the Queens outfit was that rather obvious shade of green to show up well amongst the sea of other colours. Mind you a terrorist target too I'd have thought, but there you go! I just love the pageantry, the horses are brilliant, the soldiers parading just fantastic. Wonderful spectacle, and certainly the crowds were a amazing.
My elderly (91) aunt by marriage is now living with her son and his wife. I think they may have to think in terms of a home in the not too distant future, but apart from sympathy, I'm keeping my distance from the whole saga; There can often be reasons why children ignore their elderly parents, an unhappy childhood, extremely difficult adult relationship who knows! I'm a firm believer in hearing both sides to any situation like this before making any judgments and would never get involved in other peoples family arrangements without the blessing of both sides of what is probably a difficult situation, and not my business.

I agree both sides of a story needs to be heard Liz before any judgements can be made.But sometimes it is best not to take sides.Which I have done a couple of times when it came to other peoples troubles.There were faults on both sides so I just stayed 'in the middle' and tried to support both.

I did wonder if the bright green was to make her stand out Liz. Still don't like it though LOL.Just thought it totally made her look washed out.The Lemon yesterday was lovely.
Lemon and Lime LOL.Our Queen suits the nice Pastel Colours with maybe a splash of bright....Did you notice in her carriage the the umbrella handle was the same lime green as her outfit? :-D :-D

Yes I noticed that Jane!! perhaps it was so that she could see it if it rained!!! Her outfit could certainly be seen though particularly by the old Chelsea Pensioners and anyone else with dodgy eyesight
I agree Jane, about family conflicts, it's far better just to be sympathetic but not get involved, as at the end of the day all you'll probably do is make a bad situation worse through good intentions. Even with your own family it's honestly best to keep a low profile!

Dermot that is a very sad about the elderly lady it must have helped her to chat to someone about her family problems. I do agree with Jane & Liz it is probably best to try and keep neutral in family affairs it would be interesting to find out why all her children feel the same way though.

Jane, Thomas is being a good boy taking his medicine , thank you for the photo of him.

We have had sunshine and showers to day but it is very humid still, Richard took Amy over the forest earlier so she is fast asleep now

I thought the same about the colour of the Queen's outfit not a flattering shade for anyone to wear but she must have had her say in the matter, I suppose it would have brightened the day if it had been raining

Yes Dermot, you have to remember the lady was looking for sympathy when she told you her tale and may well have left out chunks of the full story to that end. I would be friendly and sympathetic to her as she is lonely but would not try contacting anyone. You could make things worse if they were angry to find she'd been telling (possibly untrue) tales to you. Also on the biblical theme, doesn't it say 'as ye sow, so shall ye reap?' Maybe as you get to know her better you will come to understand why not even one of her 7 children wants to be in touch with her as that is unusual. Maybe the grandchildren were kept away because she was saying uncomplimentary things to them about their mothers? Maybe she was critical of her children's partners and couldn't bite her tongue? These sorts of things do happen.

There are various groups, including Age Concern, that run a befriending service so maybe she could contact them. It would be a start and give her some company.

Yes, the Queen's dress wasn't her finest! I think it was just that there was too much of the colour. Well Thomas is a good boy with taking his meds........I thought you'd have a wrestling match!!

Well things have certainly moved on apace with the lodges and Park homes we went to see! Most of them had a dressing room off the main bedroom (I want one!) with fitted rails, racks and shoe storage both sides. The majority have an en suite as well as a bathroom and some bathrooms have a walled off wet room area. A favourite, which was a 3 bed one had french doors off each bedroom onto the decking. Some had lantern windows in the ceiling above the dining area. We were shattered before we got to the end so didn't see them all but they were all furnished and beautifully presented and even had flowers planted around them. We have loads of leaflets to look at now.

Evening all,

Well this will be the third time i have tried to type and lost my posting so fingers crossed this time .

Raining here now but we have had a nice sunny day ,been weeding in the front garden this afternoon , i filled one tub and then decided to stop as i tend to keep going and then do to much and the next day my poor back feels it .

So Thomas has been a good boy in taking his tablets ,he must wonder whats going on being shut in the crate ,did the vet say how long to keep him in for ?

I thought how bright the queens outfit was too, i think it made it look worse with her standing next to Phillip in his bright red uniform, not the best outfit i have seen her wear , the yellow one yesterday was better.

So you got the right day today for viewing the lodges then Ann :-D they sound really nice with the french doors opening out to a nice decked area ,lovely to have a morning coffee and read the paper .

Yes we did Mandy but there were still no signs put up on the roads to guide you there, so we found it more by luck than anything. I think my knees will twinge tomorrow as there were 3-4 steps to go up to each one!

Thanks for the pic of the handsome Max! He looks very happy to have the box to play with. I bet your garden looks nice now after your weeding stint. Everything seems to be growing like mad now and our bottlebrush is just coming into flower. It's taller than me now and has loads of flowers ready to open. I must get a pic when they are all open.

Yes those three or four steps done several times up and then down soon add up to a flight of stairs .
The front garden is getting there ,i need to do a bit more , my Nannies white rose is now starting to flower , there are two bushes side by side and they must go at least ten foot long down the garden and four foot high ,the perfume from them is just beautiful.

I can hear a rumbling now,it's thundering ,Max hasn't heard a storm yet .

OH just made me come up the garden to see a tiny baby bird behind the shed. It's so little with tufts on it's head and is hiding in the corner on one of the fence ledges. I hope nothing finds it tonight and I know I will be thinking about it while I'm trying to go to sleep!

I hope Max gets to hear a little storm while he's still young Mandy. He'll see you aren't fussed and hopefully won't be too anxious. We have just had a few rain showers some of today. I expect he will be outgrowing his collar soon, he's looking much bigger now. I bet he gets a lot of people wanting to stroke him when you take him out.

Yes I think we saw about 40 of the lodges so the steps did add up!!

Gosh forty lodges sounds an awful lot to look around Ann and I bet your knees will be singing tomorrow.

It has rained here on and off most of the day but it has been only light rain. I think the garden will be pleased to have a freshen up though.

I hav'nt done much today but now I feel really tired. I think you can feel tired not doing anything. Anyway off for a nice refreshing shower now.

As to Dermot's post I think the best thing he can do is just listen........and nothing else.
As most of you know I have never seen any of my grandchildren and I will leave it at that.

Night night

Who is my neighbour? (Part 2).

So, you want to hear a bit more. Well, get your reading monocle in position. And many thanks for the suggestions. Annx & Mel Fairy Godmother were spot on.

As I hinted before, every story has two sides to it & what you are reading here now is my own perception as an unattached outsider (sometimes referred to as a 'Grackle' in these parts) with no affiliation to any family member - warts & all! It's only right that you should know that up front. And, feel free to take sides!

A 'cock & bull' story. The banter & rivalry between groups of friends or families is said to have often resulted in exaggerated & fanciful stories, which became known as 'cock & bull' stories. Those frequenters of the local pub during the weekends, me included, can enjoy listening to & participating in such idiotic rubbish conversations plus other nonsense aided & abetted by a glass or ten of the best draught beer available in the area.

Be careful! There might be an element of 'C&B' in this long never ending & meandering tale I'm hoping to relate but I'm not cock sure about that yet. Read on anyway if you dare! It gets very boring later on.

Well, with a bit of courage & when I got to know them better, I did eventually bring up the tale of woe with a handful of neighbours nearby. I relayed the lonely lady's tale word for word as accurately as I could remember it. My memory goes back to at least half past eight most days. Here are a few reactions.

Barbara from No. 12 - that's her with the high heels, outspoken with a slight American accent. She was sorrow for me having had to listen to the unhappy next door neighbour.

Barbara knows the individual pretty well having lived nearby since her American husband was stationed in the US Airforce Base a few miles down the road - although you'd sometimes thing the aircraft are taking off from my back garden. I must purchase some ear muffs sometime before I relinquish the little bit of hearing I have at the moment.

Sorry, did someone say something just then? You'll have to speak up!

Now, where was I before I was rudely interrupted? Ah yes! Real victims don't say things like that, claims Barbara. The tone of the lonely lady's story is that of a person who acts the victim while not being one but just looking for sympathy for an imaginary problem. This lady is steeped in anger - over what, Barbara was unsure.

Her late husband and children were & are the real victims, in her opinion. Is it any wonder the children & grandchildren avoid her? No doubt she has hurt them all from time to time so much they have little choice but to stay away.

Barbara intimated that lady had fooled me with her 'poor me' talk. How many others does she fool with her sob stories? Even Barbara would love to hear from her children what she is really like to be around.

Real victims do not act like that. She resembles an older 'White Dee' according to Barbara. And, sadly, the deceased husband has nothing further to add. Perhaps he said little while he was alive! I don't know & I don't want to speak ill of the dead or, as my own dad used to quip in his merrier moments - "Don't speak dead of the ill".

Helen is from down the lane apiece who works as a child minder & does a good job by all accounts. A lovely lady who could baby-sit me any time she is free. She tends to agree with Barbara's opinion on the matter.

How many times have you experienced some form of human interaction this week? It can be hard to keep track when you're busy. Sometimes, it's only when something stops that you start to notice it and realise how important it is. If you are an older person who lives alone, with no family or friends nearby, the amount of interaction can be devastatingly small. This kind of chronic loneliness can be mentally hurtful.

For isolated older people in the UK, there can be periods of days, weeks, even months where they see no one in person. Family may have moved, partners may have passed away and mobility may be limited. The delivery of circulars by the postman or even an unexpected visit by two nice Mormon chaps can be a highlight of the day as it means there is someone to talk to before shutting the door again & returning to complete isolation.

Confusion & anxiety of misunderstanding can cause someone on their own to become quite distressed. Looking someone in the eye, feeling someone's touch on your arm or just hearing laughter in person gives people an unparalleled lift.

Lest we forget, this neighbour is not from a generation who grew up texting or skyping in their youth. Relationships were made & built on face to face contact - no on-line dating or Facebook virtual friends. The benefits system cannot replace kinship & neighbourliness.

Go on & give your loved one a hug today! Tomorrow is often too late. *(For legal reasons & being afraid of Lawyers with their potential money grabbing lawsuits, all character names have been changed - except my own.)* Amen!

Did you notice the balcony photograph of our Queen and her immediate family?
William is on her right and Charles to the right of William. Harry immediately behind William. Ann, Edward and Andrew not there.
Do you think these photographs are staged. To show the succession?
George and Charlotte were in the photograph.
Years ago these photos used to show every one, not any more.