General Chat

Two sisters. Their mother gives the younger sister some money but not the older one, they live 200 miles apart. The mother lives close to the younger one who looks after her and the older sister visits once a year. The sisters have fallen out because of things that were said by the mother and have stopped speaking and the younger sister dosen't know if the money is a factor. The mother dies and leaves the sisters equal shares in her will. The younger sister feels guilty about the money she was given to her and not to her sister, although the older sister knows about it and the mother said she would give her the same amount but didn't. Should the younger sister give the older sister the money she was given from their mother from her share?

Its up to the sister with the money to in the end, what a selfish Mother to do that, whatever the situation they are both the mothers daughters and should be treated equally, mothers that play 1 child off against their siblings are nothing but wicked.

The younger sister did the 'looking after' and the older sister visited once a year?... hard as it may seem to treat children un equally, I wonder if the older sister would rather that part of her mothers money had gone to an independent care provider? or was it better that the younger sister got 'paid' to do the job and so got the 'extra'?

It is the mother's money and she could do what she liked with it. I have a brother who didn't see my mother for years, then turned up out of the blue asking for money. He didn't get anything and has disappeared again. He is still in my mother's will and neither me nor my siblings have ever tried to talk her out of it.

I agree that a mother who plays one child against another is not a good mother. I've seen first hand the damage that can happen in a family :-(

I was the one who did more for my mother than my brothers, and their wives did nothing, but the small amount of money Mum left was divided equally between us three by my youngest brother altho there wasn't a will. That brother is an accountant and knows about wills and what to do but I am sure Mum didn't make a will. That accountant brother and my other brother are both extremely well off and didn't need the £1000 whereas I did, and could have used more. I gave some to my son then aged 13 for his savings account and used the rest to take him to see his father and grandmother abroad, he hadn't seen them since he 7 as I had been afraid to take him far in case Mum died while we were away, he was so close to her and she was very unwell for those last years of her life.

It's hard to know the best thing to do but as it won't make a lot of difference to the sisters as they already estranged, maybe just go along with the mother's will. Sad that the mother possibly caused the fall out in the first place. My own mother would play one of us off against the other, it wasn't nice.


Lizx

The younger sister didn't want payment to look after her mother as she did it out of love. The money was given only once to help her family and she thought her sister was getting the same even though she was better off financially. I think the younger sister should give her the money.

I have seen this happen before, one child given money and the other not and that was in a family where the children all helped their parents with care, but at the end of the day the will states equal shares.

The Sister who lives 200 miles away may not accept any money from her sibling, and who knows what the Mother said to both of them for them to fall out.

Its very sad the way things have turned out but the Mother must have known this might happen.

Teresa

it was the mothers money to give out how she saw fit,
if the youger daughter did more for her then maybe it was her way of thanking her, altho im sure she didnt do it for the money,

its awful when people die, and family members think there "owed" a will is made for a reason, money given out before tht is nothing to do with anyone but the person who gave the money, and the person who excepted it,

i think the younger sister should keep what she was given by her mam, as her older sister got a share of the will anyways,

I wonder if the younger sister wants reconciliation with the older sister and wonders if giving a share of the extra money to her will help that along. It probably won't. I have been in a similar situation and it is the hurt that stays not the lack of cash. I think the younger sister should make the decision herself to do what her conscience says.

I agree with Ann, I think they need to talk through this if they can, maybe talking with solve their problems.

FATHER IN LAW LVED 10 MILES AWAY
BROTHER IN LAW 300 BY CHOICE SO HE HAD NO RESPONSABILITY
MY OH DID EVERYTHING WHEN HE DIED HE DIDNT WANT US TO ENTER FIL'S HOUSE TILL HE WAS THERE,HER PHONED AN SAID HE ARRIVED EARLY BY THE TIME WE TRAVELED 10 MILES HIS CAR WAS PACKED TO THE ROOF,,MY OH SAID NOTHING,WHEN PROBATE
DONE SPLIT 50/50 BUT MY OGH DID EVERYTHING BIL HELD OUT HAND.
HISTORY LOOKS LIKE REPEATING ITS SELF WITH MIL

my sister is seven years younger than me - never really got on with her - age difference far too great

Mum and Dad treated us equally but I have discovered since my Mum died that she had paid for my sister's son to attend a private school - doesn't particularly bother me and wonder why my sister ever told me, because if she hadn't I would never have known

I certainly don't think less of my Mum, makes no difference to me, the difference I have is with my sister and the fact that she saw fit to tell me about it - says far more about her than my mother

Attendance Allowance is for the recipient to use as they wish. whether to pay for care or for something to make their life easier.

It is recognized that being looked after costs money.

Younger daughter was looking after. She must have deserved some money.