General Chat

I have with the help of a excellent researcher located 3 half sisters and 2 half brothers who never knew i existed, heres the problem "How does one approach this situation without upsetting people"? :-S

John,

There is no easy way to get the cat out the bag sometimes ,,,,just handle it with care its the best you can do............ anything more will develope over time if its thats whats wanted..

on the plus side,,,,,,,,You may be known of,,,,,,but only as***there was a child***.sex unknown as it was never talked about



but till you take steps for contact,,,,,you will not know..

skeletons have a way of sneaking out the cupboard,,,,, ;-) :-D :-D :-D

thats good advice Kay thank you very much and you hit the nail on the head i am the skeleton thats been in the cupboard for 42 years..........i have sent a mail yesterday to my half sister but have not heard anything back yet but i understand she may be a little shocked and upset .........



tata Kay ;-)

I think there are professional services that can be used to mediate (sp) as Jc has said please dont expect a scene from Happy familes reunited, what programes like that fail to show is the ripple effect this can have, also on the plus they may know about you but could be waiting for you...

It's a bit late now, but there was a researcher on here who always recommended using a 3rd party to make contact. Something like social services or CA. You only get one shot at this and a letter or phone call out of the blue can put people on the defensive. Using a 3rd party has a higher success rate of contact.

Rose

or even a message that say does NOT immediately say "Hi, I'm your half brother..."

but rather something along the lines of

"I have been researchnng my favily, and have discovered a similar name to yours (or your mother/father). I wonder if we may have a connection?"


and only later, "spilling the beans"



sylvia

Thing is, you have to juggle the known bits, against the unknown bits.
Until you contact them, you have no idea if they know you exist or not.

As has been said, approach ( in a letter, not a phone call) and do the ''researching family tree'' bit , see what come back.

If you get no response , perhaps try one of the males, equally as light and unthreateningly as you can.

''Did you know your father had a son before you lot were born ?'' Is NOT the way to approach!

Good luck

Thanks everyone for your kind words of advice, i have wondered for years was there anyone out there that looked like me, behaved like me and thought like me....my brother and sister who i grow up with are so different to me in temperment attitude and all sorts.....I have always thought that when i found those related to me that i would fit in ok but then the cool light of day makes me think otherwise, taking into consideration the impact my popping up will have on their family structure......2 of my siblings belong to his first marriage and the other 3 his second oh and he is divorced from the 2nd one since 2002/3..I will take on all your points as i progress and hopefully have good news later on (i wont hold my breathe though) :-0 john

John, please keep an open mind on this, and do not give up.
Please come back and tell us how you got on.
Good Luck

Julia in Derbyshire

John ,I was lucky enough to find my B Family through GR.I was just looking through 'Trying to Find" and spotted someone looking for her cousins.It was just the Surname(my Birth Surname ) and the town I was born that gave me the courage to contact her.I explained I was trying to find a Lady with a certain name who lived at a certain address in 1954.She replied saying she had an Aunty who fitted the bill.Turned out I was this persons cousin!!!
She then informed me that I had 7 siblings(WOW that was a shock).After she had done some checking up she said that she was in contact with one of my B Brothers and would tell him about me.I was the one that no-one knew existed ,just like you.He wanted me to ring him which I did and he then told me that another B Brother wanted me to contact him too.They were tickled pink to know they had another sister.
3 of my Half siblings have passed away .I have met these 2 half brothers twice now.One H Sister and Brother are not interested and are not in touch with anyone.
I was the only one to be adopted.All the others were in care.I think I was the lucky one :-D.I think that I will always keep in touch now with the 2 H Brothers but really live very different lives and don't have a lot in common .
I am glad that I found out about my B Mother .Out of 8 children only 2 had the same Father !!!
I went in to it with an open mind and was prepared for anything.
My life has been great and I'm so happy that I had 2 amazing parents.
When I decided to start looking ,my biggest worry was I didn't want to upset anyone.I was just curious to know where I was from and Did I look like anyone!!!!!..I have seen photos of my Birth Mother and am just like her (scary).After 50+ years of not resembling any family member that was quite the most odd feeling I have ever had.I have also seen a photo of my Gt Grandmother and it could be me !!!!!

I think I have rambled enough now .I wish you all the luck in the world .Just go with an open mind xx

Jane thanks for that lovely story, i am glad things are good for you after so many years i would be happy with a little of what you have now i think of the same things "do i look like someone" and where am i from? I dont expect sunshine and roses so i will keep an open mind at the end of the day i am who i am and no one can change that....regards John ;-)

Jane thanks for that lovely story, i am glad things are good for you after so many years i would be happy with a little of what you have now i think of the same things "do i look like someone" and where am i from? I dont expect sunshine and roses so i will keep an open mind at the end of the day i am who i am and no one can change that....regards John ;-)

John ,I will PM you.