General Chat

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Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will
fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling the Auto Club is not an option. I WILL win.
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Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and
break wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed
and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so
for you, this is no problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I
know, these are the same thing.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
( applies to engineers mainly).
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever
you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't
...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will
certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2012, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden
with a beer wondering what to do.


This has been a public service message for women to better understand men

I didn't know my husband was a member of this site ;-)

I think we all came out of the same mold.

That last one was pretty much the content of the conversation I had with my son yesterday :-D He was telling me the 'how many women does it take to change a lightbulb' jokes he'd been reading :-P

The answer to which was "It doesn't matter how many women it takes to change a light bulb, they/she will still get around to it quicker than the 'man of the house' " ;-)

( though to be fair he does change the lightbulbs...he's a head taller than me now so "easier for him to reach".....I'm not soft ;-) )

Love it!! :-D

Love the first one, and the second last one-my husband to a tee!!LOL!!
Thanks for a good giggle, Pilgrim Father, I haven't spoken to you before. :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

Margot.

:)

Good to see you :)

That really made me smile. :-D :-D :-D

I would like to bet that, because you are a man,you would drive round in ever decreasing circles until you dissappear up your own bum before you ask for directions. :-D :-D :-D

You forgot the one about men struggling to put on a seatbelt after starting the car and driving thirty yards down the road.

Thanks for the laugh Pilgrim father, just love it! (and all so true). :-D :-D

I bet you only look at the instructions for something new AFTER you can't assemble it or get it to work. :-D
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Ever look in a cupboard straight at something while shouting and asking your wife where it is?

AH yes girls, but at least we use all the lanes when driving on the motorways, not just the middle lane, doodling along as if in a trance :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

George :-) :-) :-)