General Chat

only to own up to the fact that after 8plus weeks of her carping and accusing I lost it, Not small time as in hello Mum you are wrong, not even big time Nope me as always do things big style, and when I lose it I lose it. I was a screaming fishwife, and the banshee at her side all in one. Mother would have been proud if she hadn´t been so worried about the fact it was directed at her and all the world could here, Volume on a 1-10 about 8 I was not quiet. Come to think of it Mum didn't care about what I was saying just the fact the barman could hear, Hubby sat and let me go, as he said afterwards I said nothing wrong and she deserved it. Me well I did feel guilty but my opening shout was about her not caring about how much I care, what I have done for her and I lost it when she told me hubby, who had not said a word was poking his neb in. I laughed afterwards about the neb bit for someone who hates her northern roots where the eck did neb come from? I wasn´t proud of losing it, Nor am I proud of making her cry. But It did help me after all these weeks. I giggled all the way home but only beacuse OH stopped me crying..

I am not proud about losing, it wasn't clever, and sadly I doubt that it will make any effect. BUT it did make me feel better at the time

It´s going to be hard I am now moving Mum into a care home and she isn´t going to like that. but it has been requested to move her from the retirement complex that she is in ..basically they don´t want her there.
I took her to see the place last week, she asked me about the doolally people there (yup there are 2) I told her to be nice she might be there soon. WRONG MOVE, Mum is not gaga (she couldn´t remember the word doolally) She can quote her bank account details *thanks Mum I already have them and they are wrong.

I think it will be me they shove in the whacky home ... :-D :-D :-D :-D

Well done you. It's about time. It all needed to be said and I'm proud of you.

I had a similar thing with tog. He pushed me too far one evening which included accusing hubby of underhand behaviour when hubby was actually doing what he had been asked to do by tog.

That was the evening I refused to take any more of his crap. He began to accuse me and hubby of all sorts so I told him he was a 'paranoid old man'. The minute hubby realised there was a row on the go, he left the room. Daughter lurked in the hall so that she could hear. When it was all over, hubby said it had been a long time coming and daughter applauded me.

Apparently it really had an effect on him. The sibling told me he had even informed her of what I'd said. And after he died and I was having to clear out the house, I found his diary. What a read that was. All there was for the day we had a bust up were three words 'paranoid old man'. It was the truth anyway. I didn't want the conflict but I'd been pushed to breaking point. Don't feel guilty. She has hurt you enough times. Like mine, it doesn't matter what you've done or are doing, they'll never care about you.

You didn't say if it had an effect on her other than crying.

I've been saying for ages that you would reach a point of not taking it. That you have held out for so long is a testament to what a fantastic person you are.

I am proud of you, whatever you think about yourself.

xxJill

Ph Jill thank you, no I am not proud. in someways but I never said what she couldn't hear. I know there is more to come but I am ashamed with myself for letting her get to me, and for doing it they way I did
Mind being a fishwife banshee does amuse me and it did stop mother in her tracks. Will she understand what I said, I doubt it, I really doubt that she cares about what I think if it's against her.

She did like the idea of going to Switzerland on holiday ...whoops sarky me again ! For those who don't know Switz has euthanasia whoop. :-0

You listen to me woman.

Shouts. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

You know my story and you know much of the crap I put up with.

Trust me. I know what I'm talking about.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You have been pushed to beyond and back.

I like the idea of having a fishwife banshee for a friend.

And if you want help booking the tickets to Switzerland......

<3 J

I don't think any of us will be surprised Uzzi, in fact most of us will probably wonder how you have resisted for so long. Your Mum has long known how to push the buttons to send you over the top and now she has reaped what she sowed. Well done for holding out for so long and don't for a moment feel ashamed. I doubt she stayed upset for long, she probably felt proud that you paid her so much attention that it upset you. don't forget, even in her muddled mind it is all about her as it always has been.

As you have been requested to move her you can honestly say to her that it is out of your hands.

Oh, fishwife. We all have it in us. when I was in my 20s and daughter was about 5 or 6 (and she was never a really naughty child) I must have been at the end of my tether one day (must have been when I was pregnant with son). OH came in from the drive where he was doing something to the car because he said he was embarrassed to listen to me shouting like a fishwife. Look at it as being a safety valve.

<3 <3 <3

you can only ever do your best uzzi
and i am glad you had a blow out
clearing the air can help you feel better and

she did need to be told your not a doormat but a person <3

I do know that she needed to be told but i didn't need to do it that way, I do feel bad about it. BUT I felt so good letting it all *well a bit " out, and I know she had to be told.
I know from her phone calls since that she hasn't taken anything onboard all she is going to remember is me having a go at at her..

And I honestly believe that I can cope with this bitch living with me _ Yes I can

Joy it's sad that my best will never ever be good enough for Mum, at least in the last 2 mths she has learnt not to call me by my sisters name but I am still the wrong daughter.

Uzzi. Remember to take strength in your lovely hubby.

All I have is R and the kids and a handful of incredibly special friends.

The male parent hated me.

The female parent was trained to hate me but it started years before with jealousy.

The sibling has always hated me.

But I'm here and I have survived and I am happy.

Everything was so sad but not one ounce of it was my fault - same as you.

Stay strong lovely lady.

xxJ

I am glad you managed to let off steam before you let things get any worse and you made yourself ill, Uzzi. You needed to vent your feelings so don't feel guilty, it's obvious your mother vents her feelings enough and they are very selfish ones.

You keep on with the way you are going, do what you can to help your mother get settled into somewhere that will care for her (and put up with her) and try and make time for you and o.h. as well.

Best of luck and always feel free to let off steam on here too

Lizxx

Congratulations Uzzie. Wish I´d had the bottle to do what you did, but mother went to her grave with her granddaughters believing I was the wicked witch of the west because i had spent so many years shielding them from knowing what she was really like. She even managed to insult my partner from her hospital bed when she had never met him before & we had travelled from Spain to see her & in front of him, told me I wasn´t to marry him!!!. I was 62 at the time & I subsequently did.
Don´t ever run away with the idea that you can have her living with you. Believe me, you can´t.
I really feel for you & wish you all the luck in the world. It´s horrible being the wrong sibling.
Marion

Well done Uzzi :-D

Like Wisechild says, as outsiders we wouldn't think it advisable to have her living with you - you could end up ill yourself or charged with matricide!

If she is in a 'nice' Care Facility, at least you can walk away at the end of your visit and return to the sanity of your own littlle comfort zone, knowing she is being well cared for. <3

Wisechild, I didn't try to affect My daughter's with the parents or the sibling. I didn't share all the bad stuff for a very long time. I did have to protect both kids later on though.

Didn't granddad think she was wonderful until she learned to think for herself. He cooled big time after that. It was mutual. Daughter isn't stupid and she had him sussed. Her relationship with her nan is different because her nan was much kinder to her. I knew she was working at it so that daughter would decide she preferred to live with her. It was harder on me because the parents never hid that they always intented to get the kids off me. Well I say that they wanted the kids. They wanted daughter. They wanted autistic, therefore grandson-to-be-ashamed-of, put away.

As for the sibling. Daughter worked out she didn't give a stuff about her early on too.

I have told daughter that if I ever begin to behave like my family, I want her to shoot me.

:-D

Too right.

I'm the only relative my sibling has. One day it is likely she will need me. Errrr. Sorry. It doesn't work that way