General Chat

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.



2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.



3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.


4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.



5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from the garden.





6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.



7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.


8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.



9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.


10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.



11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.



12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.



13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.



14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.



15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.




How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.



GOOD DOG!

Remember taking one of our cats to the vets and he gave him a pill and pushed it in with a pen and shut his mouth.....there you are he said. Let go and the cat promptly spat it out.... :-D

Didn't know you had met my cat Ann!

We've got two cats, sisters from the same litter. On a recent visit to the vet -

Cat no. 1, one vet, one pill, 10 seconds, job done.

Cat no. 2, one vet, one nurse, OH, one badly scratched hand, 4 attempts with the pills and the vet's comment was "She's a bit timid isn't she"!

I despaired of getting a pill into my cat, like above, she fought every inch of the way. Now , we just carefully conceal it in a small piece of cheese, and it works like a charm. Mind you the pills are very small!

On the subject of treatment of cats. The best way to spray a cat wth flea spray is to hold up by the scruff....can't scratch or get away.

I've got 3 cats, have to seperate them to put flea stuff on the back of the neck, as once one is done, the others smell it and scarper!!
To be honest, I just have to open a phial and they're gone.
For a time, I put latex gloves on, but this meant that whenever I put gloves on to, say, dye my hair, all 3 disappeared for the day.

I tried the smallest (and worst) cat today. She spits, scratches and her second name is mercury (slips through your fingers)!!

:-P

I failed first time, and unlike her brothers - one is 4 inches longer than average, is a bit thick, eats like a pig, but a friend described him as 'emaciated' - no he hasn't got worms!! The other eats less than his siblings, weighs over a stone, has non-retractable claws, a deformed tail, is bog ugly - but very affectionate - which can be painful - she , being a bit of a 'midget', at 6 years, and despite eating for England, is the size of a 6 month old - won't give you a second chance.

Will try tomorrow.

Never had cats (I am allergic to their fur) but easiest way to give pills to all of our dogs was in a soft centre chocolate. If chocolate no available, a small piece of bread, plastered with butter - slides down a treat.

Best way to give cats pills. get the Vet to do it.the cat then takes its revenge on the very expensive Vet. :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

AnnC :-D :-D :-D Really funny OP and so true :-( :-(

What I want to know is why cats are always so docile for the vets. I suspect that they use some sort of anaesthetic spray that we humans cannot detect :-S :-S :-S

Read this epistle out to cat owning friend - she could relate to it. However she did mention a tip she was given about giving a siamese cat a pill. Hold cat in arms,put pill in cat's mouth and quickly turn cat upside down, it will swallow. She swore it worked - she had a siamese for 10-12 years, rescue moggies since, I asked if it worked with them - didn't know - they never needed pills.

i tried to give my two girls a worming powder
it stayed in the dish for the full day
they rufused to eat any of it


so i gave up and gave it the dog lol :-D

I've been trying for some time to put drops in my cat's ears :-S

Wish I had a hobby, AnnC :-D ;-)

Chris I have Siamese cats. Have turned them upside down this evening. Just finished clearing up. :-( :-(

I needed a laugh and got one .
Thank god I have dogs although it does cost me in pots of pate'. Still laughing :-D :-D :-D :-D