General Chat

When our mum passed suddenly on 1980 just 10 days after we became grandparents I went into nope it ain't happened mode. Even going to funeral and knowing her ashes would be scattered in the same area as dad was a surreal experience . I couldn't cry but did go into an if I don't think about she us still here mode .

Whether people believe or not in mediums it was going to see one with an office friend because she wanted support not because I wanted anything from it and mum coming through very forcefully and telling me to let go and get on with my life as well as other things that no one else would know about , that opened up the floodgates and the tension was released and I felt at peace at last .

It takes people in different ways and each persons way of coping is individual to them

We look forward to a photo of it Sharron. And even though you don't need support at the moment, you know it is here if you ever do need it.

No, I don't really need any support thank you Island but I do thank you for offering it.

I think we may well be both at the same stage of recovery from something grim but we are doing it in different ways.

Just like I was more interested in seeing what poor old Fred could achieve with his stroke than looking after him I am more interested in seeing what this bit of trauma does to me.

As I explained, mentally I am pretty good, getting stuff done, going where I want, when I want and being prepared for some sort of reaction.

The water feature that is coming today is the one I have bought with some of the money so kindly given in memory of Fred. I am going to plant watercress in it.

Deleted my posts as support was not required.

Being stuck in that house all day everyday is doing you no good,,,,,,,go out somewhere,,a nice garden centre where you can go at your own pace have something to eat out.......time is what you have now to regain or some of it to do just as you please........DO IT,

pills wont do you any good as learning to cope without them will be harder than your feeling now.even short term use.

are you going into watercress buisness now........!! 2p a bunch, :-D

Sharron don't be surprised if you yo yo from one feeling to another.. obviously a good sleep does wonders for you as does watercress by the sound of it.. don't gobble too much you termite you.

Persie ;-)

I'm :-S as well Island but we will go with the Flo or in this case go with the Sharron.

I don't think I need to see the doctor. That really would be a stressful experience for me!

I knew I would get a physical reaction and here it is. My way is to roll with it.

Feeling much better at the moment because I had a pretty good nights sleep and a bit of really good sleep this morning.

Had to get up because that water feature is coming today.

Watercress here we come!

It sounds like grief tied up with body overload and tiredness that is coming out in a physical way. Even though you feel mentally fit and on top of things there are 7 years of grief and stress to cope with. Losing a parent, no matter how old is always very sad as we lose our link with our past.

I suspect, watching Fred's mate doing your garden and eventually reaping what he sows will go a long way to putting your body back on an even keel. For a start your body is not used to having complete rest every night and I am sure it will react to that. Your appetite will eventually sort itself out if you don't worry about it. If you could find something that relaxes you to do, maybe yoga as somebody suggested, that would be good. By all means see your doctor but only you know whether you will accept medication, no good being given it and not taking it.

When my Dad died at 93, I knew it was what he wanted and I was not used to seeing him all the time as we lived 2 hours apart. It was still sad, and strange to know he was no longer there. What helped me was making scrap book pages of his photos, and I still have a photo frame in this craft room of lots of photos of him in a montage. But that is me, we are all different, I thankfully have never had to resort to anti depressants or other medication to cope. You may need to.

We are all here to listen to you though Sharron so don't bottle your feelings up. :-) :-) <3 <3

Sharron, you've been stressed for 7 years, no wonder your body is doing "strange" things.

By all means go to your doctor, but be careful with medications, you don't want to be taking something like "Mother's Little Helper" (valium) for too long.

What about some sort of relaxation technique, like yoga?

There's no timetable for grief, we all handle it in different ways.

<3

Aww bless you Sharron.

Grief affects us in different ways. It has to come out at some time in some way. Look after yourself you have had so much to do over the past 7 years it must be so strange now that has all stopped. <3 <3

yes, not unexpected that you would have a reaction.


But, please, don't just sit it out .................. go and talk to your doctor.


I'm talking from experience .............. although both my parents died suddenly, and I did not have your 7 years of worry


My mother died when I was 21. I was still at university.

I never cried for her .................... but equally, I did nothing but sleep. That was not helpful in passing exams ......................... I failed my year, and had to repeat.

It was about 3 months after her death before I went to my doctor, who gave me something to help boost my energy .............. too late for the exam passing.


My father died when I was 30, and living over here. OH and I went back for his funeral, and I styed over in England for another 10 days or so. I only cried a little bit, on hearing the news

This time, I was completely unable to sleep .................... the complete reversal of 9 years earlier!

I did go to the doctor for help a little faster ................... after about 2 months of being up until at least the wee hours of the morning. At least a couple of times a week, I didn't go to bed at all.

I did have a job at the time, and was trying to function at that, as well as at home, on 2 or 3 hours maximum sleep a night



I reckon it takes about a year after the death of a parent before one gets back on an even keel again.



so lots of love and support ...........


...... but don't try to do it all by yourself xxxxxx



s
xxx

I warned OH that I would probably have some sort of reaction once the pressure was off, envisaging something along the lines of flu.

Mentally I am not too bad, just about everything is done with the admin now. I have the benefits sorted and I know I am going to be staying.

The house is coming together slowly and the shed and garden are all under control.

I am quite comfortable and confident but, physically, I feel like I am due to be executed. My hands keep cramping when I am doing something, have had to consciously make my arms hang down loosely and I feel like I am wearing tight corsets.

As for my appetite, well that is truly bizarre and I am like a human termite.

Think I can only sit it out and wait for it to pass.