General Chat

Hi everyone , have just found a message from my birth sons on here, asking for info regarding finding me , which i am very happy about, but i have 2 sons at home who know nothing of thier half brothers, and i honestly do not know how to tell them, my youngest son is 23 and lives at home and is very volitile and i am worried about his reaction.he is not violent just very difficult to talk to , my other son who is 25 the complete the opposite. As i have sent a reply to the message left but have heard nothing (it's only been 3days seems like forever) i have not yet said i am thier birth mother, only that i would like to view thier trees before passing on any infomation. Would be greatfull for any advice on how to go forward with my birth sons, as well as tell my family. Thanks

Does your husband know about your other offspring? If not, perhaps you should tell him first.........then work out a strategy together. Reg

Hi Karen, Perhaps you could approach your elder son first and get him on side. He may be able to help when you tell your younger son. I think it would be best that they knew about their siblings... after all they may just find out themselves at some stage and not be happy that you never told them. You never know, they may be delighted that they have these extra brothers!!! Hope you make the right choice and that it all pans out the way you want it to... CLare x

hi Karen, i was on the other side of the coin, i found out i had twin brothers, when i was 13, i was more upset that my mum hadnt told me, and was delighted to have two older brothers, i soon forgive her after she explained the circumstances. iam sure your boy's well be fine... i would sit them down and explain the full story to them... and let them say weither they want to meet ect, good luck and i wish happyness for all your family (((hugs))) lynn x

Must have been amazing for you to see the lads looking for you. I hope they get back to you soon and things go well. As for telling your other sons, can I suggest you write a letter for them each telling them all the details necessary for them to know and understand what happened, then sit down and tell them together, giving them the letters to take away and read in private if they need to. That way if things get emotional important points won't be forgotten or missed out or they can read and reread the letters until the picture is clear. It will be a lot for them to take in and having it in writing to refer to again and again may help them understand more. You must emphasise that knowing these two lads and possibly having them back in your life will never lessen the love and pride you have with the sons you have raised. I wouldn't say a word until you are further down the line with the two lads altho I can understand it will probably be hard for you to hide your excitement and emotions. You might find it helpful to talk to someone who knows about these situations. Lots of luck with this new chapter in your lives, Liz

i wouldnt know what to say but ill give ya some (((hugs)))) good luck whatever you do Rosex

Hi Karen, I don't think I am really qualified to give any advice on your plight as I have never been in your situation, I'd hate to say something that was completely stupid or caused more harm than good, perhaps there is someone on here that has been in a similar situation and can tell you how they went about it, I will be keeping an eye out for any progress as I'd like to know how you get on, do please if possible keep us informed how things go. Many many good wishes for a happy outcome with your lads and there new siblings. Gillie XX

Hi Karen I saw a message in the trying to find board last november from a man looking for his birth mother. Yes you guessed it ,it was my mother. It was a bit of a surprise to say the least but a good one. Just sit down with the boys and talk to them. Dont worry too much about first reactions,people come around. Regards Tania

No advise - just best wishes and (((hugs))) xx

My advice would be to take things slowly, sow some seeds and try and get your older , more talkative son to help, All the luck in the world to you, Caz xxx

Good luck Karen and hope all goes well for your family. Mau ((xx))

Just want to say good luck and hope all goes well. Love Mary xx

Tell your boys that love is not a cake which has to be shared out, it is a fountain, and there is always enough for everybody. Good luck with this - I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised at their reactions, once they have got over the shock. OC