General Chat

I have just told my 22 daughter to get out of my house, and now feel I'll have lost her. She went to Egypt last Sunday, and turned up this morning at 3.30am banging on the door, she said that it to hot so she came home early, her boyfriends mum had gone to Gatwick to pick her up.. so why didn't she go back to his place as they are up... selfish... she put the tv on and woke her brothers.. A week before she went she got a Husky puppy I was fuming only lost my cat a week before... it's used my new carpet, so not happy about that.. she has just come down and I asked her what happened .. her reply don't talk to me about this I said you could have told us you were coming home... this is my house and I'll do what I like. so I said well you can tell your boyfriend to go now you didn't ask if he could stay.. On top on it all she never gave me and house keeping money this year. she had a car accident in Dec and said when her money came through she would pay me. well it came throung in August and has given me a bit of it, so I'll asked her for the rest and I want money each week. don't bother I'll be moving out soon. so I said go now.. Any opinions.... Pat

Pat, It is a tough one, as you become torn in different directions when it's your kids. Nevertheless, if she feels she can come and go as she pleases, take you for granted, leave you short of her keep and treat your home like some kind of hotel, then she does need a wake up call. I have a similar situation at moment, with son, DIL and grandson, under my roof................they can't afford to buy and can't get on housing list. If it wasn't for grandson they would be gone, or I would.............move on. Know how hard it is..........hope it will work out for you all. Jen

Oh Pat, I won't say I know how you are feeling but I can empathise with what you are going through. Sending you lots of love & healing strength. ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) Vivienne xx

Aw Pat No advice really, never been in that situation, it must be awful, so sending you loads of (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) instead! Joan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh Pat that's awful, fancy waking the household at that time in the morning!! She won't be gone for long trust me..... she will realise where her bread is buttered!! Jen - feel for ya hun, but why can't they get on the housing list? There is a child involved and therefore they must be housed! xx

Hi patricia I don't have first hand experience either , however I left home when 17..........I think at 22 your daughter can and will stand on her own two feet. Her attitude is simply appalling. It smacks of a spoilt rotten child aged 22. Show you mean business and the respect will come flooding back, simply because she'll realise just how good she's had it!! Much happiness debi

Hi Diana, Well it's not that they can't exactly...........as we all know, theres such a long wait these days, though I did suggest that they should be on it anyway...because no-one knows when something will come up............their problem, the way they see it is.............they just don't want to stay in London any longer than they have to............DIL is from Brighton and she's desperate to get back there and bring their child and any other children up there................. So I am stuck in the middle and wary of saying too much.....as they do seem quite happy to stay put for the time being..........feel as though they have taken over my home and much of my life..........but I look at my grandson and just know he needs some kind of security at the moment..............know it's not my responsibility etc, etc...........had it all from other family members............but these situations will crop up in any family...........we just cope the best we can. Jen

Hi Jen My MIL would sympathise with you . Some 20 years ago she was in the same situation with my BIL and his new found family. However i do think the that nowadays you can put your name down on ANY council list - you do NOT have to be living in the area. They should put there names down on BOTH lists. Anyway going back to MIL she wrote them an evection notice which BIL handed to council.......they were housed within weeks ( however this was 20 yrs ago ) of course she wasn't really going to evict them but it made the council hurry up :)) Much happiness Debi

Deborah, All things I have considered and suggested.........which have come to nothing.........on their part rather than mine. Our council is threatening to close the local council office and DIL won't go on housing list in Brighton as she says they would probably be put in one of the rougher areas! They have their reasons and haven't yet reached the point when they will realise that beggers can't always be choosers lol! Most of the properties in the area are being snapped up by housing assos...........and you can't get on their lists unless your council can't re-house you...............they appear to be viewing the situation as too much hard work! It isn't too bad at the moment, as it's reasurring for me to have some company and we all get on ok for most of the time..........at least there is someone here, if I have one of my 'turns' I still manage to keep much of my own council, as I am not just a mother and grandmother, but a person too......I still do my own thing lol! If it reached the stage when I felt I couldn't tolerate it any more, then I would give them notice. Jen

Oh Jen..... see what ya mean!! Sending ya a huge hug for being a fab Mummy and looking after your own!! xx

Oh crumbs what a morning for you Pat, I do hope that it gets better for you. I wouldn't worry to much about your daughter she'll soon be back needing your help with something or other. Wishing you a better day. Debs

Yes Pat, I have to agree with Debs on that one............they can give you an awful lot of grief and just when you think they will make it on their own............they will c*me back, they never seem to migrate far from the nest..........more so these days as life is so much more expensive what with everyone wanting your money for something or other. I do wish you all the best of luck.........let her have a taster of what it's like and as others have said, she will realise which side her bread's buttered. (((((((((hugs)))))))))))))for you Pat. Diana................we can all only do our best with what life throws at us..........there are plenty worse off than me. Jen

Oh Pat, i really feel for you, and send a huge (HUG) for you. I went through this with my daughter when she was 18, not the same issues, but similar and bad anough that after several warnings she left me with a choice of standing by my threat or allowing the situation to ruin our relationship, and the rest of the family. It broke my heart to tell her to go, but it was the best thing i did. After a few months of fractured talking and visits she started to grow up, she settled down and our relationship went from strength to strength. Through the break up of her engagement she moved home again for a few weeks in Feb 2005...and is still with us :-). She is 22 next month and we get on so well i dread the thought of her leaving again. We love our children and want to give them everything we possibly can...but sometimes we have to be tough and lay down the guidelines.....it hurts like hell, but the alternative can hurt far more! I am sure your daughter loves you just as much as you love her, but she is being unfair to you all, the only way for her to see that is for you to stand by your views. She won't like it at first, but it will be the making of her. I hope you are shaking a little less now and that you are feeling better. All the best of luck. Yvette xx