General Chat

great ...had a good laugh ....thank you....

Joke 2 The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!' And Paddy (for it was he) replied 'Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead', she sobbed, 'but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!' And Paddy began - 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! so, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same...' Here Paddy took a quick breath and continued, 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

Some brill jokes here! Cazxxxxxxx

Like 'em, so heres some more to share. The Best Genie Story Ever A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize, and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.' So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A large black man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?' 'Uh..yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied. 'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.' 'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.' 'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life! And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked. 'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,' she said. 'Consider it done, 'the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!' 'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'What's your wish, genie?' 'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife!' The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?' She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you honey?' 'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. 'I'd do the same for you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, 'How old are you and your husband?' 'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly. 'No Kidding.' he said, 'Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?'

Good ones Linda! Allie x

Lol Linda, suex

Very true (the second one ).Lol

glad you like!

pmsl..............Hayley

Nice ones Linda--nothing to cause offence there--made me chuckle.........x

A mother is bathing her young son and he holds up his hand and says is this my hand? yes his mother replies the little boy then points to his nose and says is this my nose? yes replies his mother the little boy then points to his knee is this my knee? yes his mother replies the little boy then points to his willy and says is this my brain? Not yet.. his mother replies.

A lonely women is clearing out her loft when she comes across a lamp she gives the lamp a rub and a genie appears offering one wish. I'd like my cat to be turned into a handsome prince she says. Her wish is granted as she falls into the princes arms he gently whispers i bet you'd wish you never had me neutered now.

Naughty jokes. I've got two jokes i've just read in mag if they offend please let me know and i'll remove. Just trying to make you all smile:-