General Chat

Because she sounds like the one I had - a control freak and once you do not consult her - that is it. One instance of mine was that she kept saying she wanted me to remarry - I had no intention of so doing. After 5 years I met someone - it was very fast the decision - mother had hysterics and I mean hysterics - told me she fell off kitchen chair and lay on floor for an hour with shock! Few weeks later son in his room with headphones on and music loud - above all this - heard his g.mother yelling - discovered she was yelling at his sister in her room saying that she had a selfish mother. Then at our reception she grabbed me made kissing noises in the air and said 'you do know I am so happy for you' Some people wonder why I suffered her rather than loved her!!!!! Ignore her and get on with your life,. do not allow her to make you feel guilty. Good luck

Simple this really....she loves you to bits, and is going to miss the everyday things,..Ok she can visit, but she can't 'pop' round for a quick cuppa can she?.....My son only moved 20 odd miles away, It might as well be 200, we do see each other, but everything still has to to be all pre-arranged....Yes you do have your only life, you must live it, we mum's don't expect a medal, just to know we are still needed/loved after 20 plus years of caring for you, its very hard to let go (I know we must, but it doesn't make it any easier)......Tell her you love her to bits, tell her she must visit often, she will come round, she just needs to get use to the idea.....she will push you alway, but still do it, when she alone she will remember you care........good luck with your moved and have a lovely time in your new home......you must really go for it....lifes sometimes have to change........Lilly

Bev, When I moved to Somerset almost thirty years ago, I did it for my children, to get them out of the city and into the country. Little did I know that although nothing was said at the time, not until some years later.............not just by mum but, my brother too, as he never married and was living with mum.............they had felt abandoned! Yet, when I went out of my way to try and help get them down there near to me, they hummed and arred about it........and stayed put where they were. Granted, I didn't get the cold shoulder or sarcastic comments and the like.........but you still feel as though you have committed an horrendous crime against them! I think if you give your mum time, she will come around, there's no way, she will stop seeing you or her grandchildren. That would be like cutting off her nose to spite her face lol! I hope it all works out well for you Bev, and you and your mum can put all this behind you. Jen

Thanks for your replies everyone and all the advice but I can honestly say that I have tried all that!! She has got a bag on with me simply because I am doing something for myself and not because she wants me to do it!! Bev

Bev,I know how she feels.My daughter moved to Lanzarote a few years ago.I did talk to her about it, if she bought the conversation up,but never got excited with her.I did goout for a meal with them and stayed in the hotel the night before with them but i was devastated.I did not once say i did not want them to go as they had to make there life.She used to come home every 6 weeks homesick.She's now back for good.I'm upset now as i had some good holidays.Hoping mum will come round but you must have your life.Annie

Bev, I am afraid that I felt the same when MY daughter decided to move,...ALL the way to Wakefield.(only 125 miles..LOL)Now ive got used to the idea,, '' The girls' done good'' I am happy for her and her family....and its a pleasure to go visit.... Bob

I sounds to me like she is devastated that you are going. You really need to talk to her one on one and sort this out or you are both going to end up feeling even worse when the move happens. Liz

It sounds more like your Mum is desperate for you not to go for fear of not seeing you and losing you to me. I might be wrong of course.Why not tell her, much as i want to go Mum, im going to miss you? Donna (who isnt good on advice, sorry)

sounds like she is really going to miss you but doesnt know how to say it my mum was a bit like that when i moved to scotland a few years back but she soon came round and visited me a few times before i finally came home you have your own life and you cant live it to please everyone you would go mad trying your mum must know this but she is finding it hard letting go give her time she'll come round in the end good luck with the move sue c x

Sounds to me like your Mum is extremely upset about you and your family moving sooo far away. Putting myself in her shoes, if my daughter told me she was moving to Cornwall, I would be totally gutted and feel unwanted and no longer needed. A mother needs to know that she is needed, just like a child needs to know they are loved and wanted. The longer this goes on, the worse both you and your Mum will feel about it. Maybe if you go upto your Mum, tell her that you love her, and give her the biggest hug she's ever had from you ... then she will break down in tears and explain why she's being the way she is ... I could be wrong, but reading your header, that's what I felt :-)) If you have children, consider how you would feel if one of them told you they were moving 'away' .... Elaine ;-)

Bev.... I think she is desperate because she thinks she is losing you. I am sure she will come round soon. Just keep trying to talk to her and involve her in your new life. Wont be long before she'll be asking if she can come and visit. Hope the move goes well and good luck and happiness in your new home. Jean x.

Oh Bev you haven't had the ordacity (sp??) to have a life and move away from her have you? She's doing a good job of making you feel guilty sweets..... when you move send her a card inviting her down immediately..... keeping that invite open..... at least then you know you've tried! xx

As most of you know we have sold our house and are moving to Cornwall which Im really excited about!! My mum has not exactly been behind us on this and I cant talk to her about our plans!! Anyway this morning we got our completion date and I phoned to let her know that we will be leaving on the 8th of July! The only thing she said is that she was suprised I let her know as she thought she'd have to find out of somebody else!! As others know more about it than her....When Ive tried to tell her stuff she pulls her face and completely changes the conversation! It has gotten to the point where I cringe if people mention anything about Cornwall to me in front of her!! That's not how I want it to be!! I want her to be involved with stuff..She even refuses to come and see us when we are there! What am I doing that is so wrong and why do I feel so guilty about going?? Sorry for going on but im just so upset at how she is being!! Bev