General Chat

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.

'It's all so beautiful' she replied. 'Everything is wonderful, but I do have just one problem. It's these breasts you've given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I'm constantly bumping them with my arms.' She went on to tell Him that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc.......she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced,' as she put it. 'That is a fair point, but it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you're right. I'll fix it up right away.' And He reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes. Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. 'Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?' 'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one little oversight on your part. I've noticed that all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has a bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.' God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you're right again. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I'll immediately create a man from a part of you.' Now let's see............where did I put that useless tit?? Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that stupid stuff about the rib? ....... more added below ...>

pmsl, good one Julie x

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. 'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces. 'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves..' The family members sat silent as they absorbed t he news. After a great length of time, someone asked, 'Well, how much does a brain cost?' The doctor quickly responded, '$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain.' The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the male brain so much more?' The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used.'

Nominated as the best short joke this year . . A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'are these my brains?' 'Not yet,' she replied

PMSL very good. (& true).

Girlie Wisdom Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5lbs. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers. Every 7 minutes of everyday, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes! Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like ... You know, sometimes I forget to eat! ......Now... I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys. But I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills.. She has 14 kids but doesn't really care. My body is not all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said 'Body, how would you like to go to the six o'clock class of vigorous toning?' Clear as a bell my body said 'Listen witch.....do it and die.' The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: Eating too much; impulse buying and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

....broad grin.....

Brilliant!

this trhread is great way to start the day. sat here chuckling away! tina x

Just what I need to set me off with a broad grin on my face! Race for Life this morning - in all this heat. Now where's that sun cream?

PMSL :-))))))))))))))