General Chat

Sorry, I just have to say this, Why are you staying there woman? are the sons your sons too? if they are why are they allowing this monster to do this to you? My advice? see a solicitor and divorce the bastid, he is not worth spending your life with, you deserve much much better, as his wife of many years you are entitled to at least half of his stuff and he is entitled to yours, see a solicitor and let them sort it out. I married a control freak and was told pretty much the same as you, I divorced him in 1995, never been happier :-)) Good luck

No advice as I think this is a sad situation that only you can decide what to do!! just sending a (((HUG))) xx

i really feel for you in your situation.if i were you go and have a word with the citizens advice. as someone has already said, even though the house was left to him, because you are his wife you are entitled to half of it. it will be hard on your own for a while (i know from experience) but in the end you DESERVE to be happy and it sounds as if you have not been for quite some time. everyone is here for you. vent away as much as you need. tina x

Elaine and Purple....I don't feel sorry for either of you. My god.....you are women...you are made of stern stuff. Why the hell do you put up with it? A friend of mine recently left her husband of 26years. He's in the house, she moved into a caravan park and the kids feel sorry for him! However she is the happiest she has been in YEARS! If you 2 are in those sort of situations then it is your own fault. Strengthening thoughts are winging their way to you both. love Trifley

Elaine, I can relate a lot to what you are saying as I am staying in o.h.'s house and am beholden to him in many ways. Have no legal rights as not married and don't contribute a huge amount to the house financially but a lot practically and support him in a lot of ways. Regarding your husband's hoarding, if it is out of control, he probably has OCD, which I have. Do you have receipts for the items you paid for? If you are paying your keep, pay by cheque so you have proof. Why don't you see a solicitor to find out just what your position is? Do they still do divorces on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour? I think you have to reclaim your life as I have to mine. Wish you luck. Liz

You're right he is a control freak,always been this way, had his mother living next door for 35 years and he ran home to mummy, he's running away to my sons now she is no longer there. I am not allowed to answer him back and when she was alive they would both attack me.I am a very determined type though, you know I will stay if it kills me attitude.He is a gunna. I'm gunna do this and I'm gunna to do that but never does anything. I use my work and my walks with the dogs to unscramble my brain just been for a dog walk and think. Thanks you lot for letting me unburden myself lol Elaine.

))))))hugs((((((

Ive seen this scenario before elaine-hes acting like a control freak and is demeaning you as if he is keeping you because the house was left to him- call his bluff and threaten to divorce him ,and that the house will have to be sold as being his wife youre entitled to half !!.....sounds like your relationship has soured over a long time to the point where you are a live in housekeeper to a batchelor like the old days. Dont tell me,the cars are collectors items,and he drives them in turn ,once a week ....!! Hope you dont mind me saying that , its a personal observation ,and none of my business I know.

I would be laughing too, it sounds so hilarious when you actually see it written down, that is why I decided to put it down.I just need to see if anyone else thinks it an odd situation, I am begining to doubt my sanity. His doctor just tells me to move out, why should I have to give up my home I have made and my friends.I just want to live a day longer than him so that I can say.(see you can't take it with you).

And I moaned at my one for trying to set fire to the kitchen earlier...... seriously though it is possible that he could be suffering from a form of depression - will be a struggle to get him to admit to it but its worth considering... Lynda x

he does sound as though he is slightly off the pattern of what one would consider 'normal' in his behavior patterns.have you tried talking to your GP?

Im sorry,please dont take offence but I am sitting here chuckling and i dont know why......I think its because it sounds so desperately awful.

Married for 48 years, treat like a servant, thats how I feel.Husbands mother gave him the house 40 years ago, told I have no rights in it. If I clean I am told I must not move anything of his, he is a hoarder.He has not worked since 1981, I am still working part time. I was off work for about two years with tendon problems in both ankle joints, he did the shopping and from then on he will not give me housekeeping money, he does the shopping.When he reached 65 I got a pension on his contributions, he says I have to pay my keep @ £25 per week. I have bought all the carpets, dishwasher, washer, microwave all bedroom furniture etc. In fact I have made his house a home. He stays up until 5 00 am and stays in bed while lunchtime.He then goes out and sits at my sons until time for the evening meal and then he's off again to my sons until after midnight. He says he has no money but buys camera gear etc on Ebay. He has 5 cars all taxed and tested. In the early hours of the morning he takes the dog and collects cans for a charity. He has done this for two years they are slung all around the back of the garage in plastic carrier bags, none has gone to the charity yet. Is he mad or am I?