General Chat

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1. Whilst sitting at the PC having a wee blether, make sure you have a bin at your side for any rubbish, an ashtray if you smoke, a constant supply of tea/coffee/vodka/wine........one telephone to make calls, a Dictionary to look up words you dont understand, and of course some polish and a duster so you can have a wee clean up occasionally

2. Only use the hoover when you have guests coming to visit - saves on use of electricity. 3. Use plastic or paper plates and plastic cutlery to save on washing crockery on a daily basis.....or alternatively have a dishwasher where you can hide anything at very short notice.

PMSL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You forgot the bit about a toaster next to the pc & the optics close to hand !! lol :0) Joan xxxxxxxxx

Remember 'Only dull women have immaculate houses!!

4. Wear special cleaning socks or slippers so that every visit to the toilet will make sure your laminate flooring remains clean. Remember to take them off when walking on the carpet tho as you wouldnt want to take any more dirt around the house with you than necessary. 5. If you have furniture which things can fit underneath - DO NOT MOVE THE FURNITURE TO CLEAN UNDER IT - this is very important as it wastes valuable blethering time on the PC, and means an extra couple of trips to the toilet wearing special socks/slippers to get it clean again.

6. Have as many children as humanly possible and teach them where the kettle/toaster/microwave are and only EVER leave your seat once a day to make meals for them - they are there to help you out so they can do the easy stuff. The downside of course is that they may make more mess, which would mean you'd have to revert to the section on not moving furniture to clean underneath it.

7. It is preferable to have a walk around phone to enable you to blether on said phone at any given moment during the day...however, with an attached phone you can blether online as well as on the phone.

8. Ensure you have many cupboards in your home and DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES allow visitors to open any of them!

*note to self - rummage in all of Jill's cupboards*

*recommends author takes note of no.7*

9. When sitting at the computer or on the phone and you get warning of an unexpected visitor, make sure you have laminate flooring so that you can whizz about on computer chair in double quick time to hide everything in the many cupboards that visitors are not allowed to look in under any circumstances.