General Chat

coming up, you may have seen some of these before, still made me laugh...

It's hard to believe people like this exist. Some of them are determined not to be helped. They must have been born & raised in a deep mineshaft and only brought out for these shows! UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name? Contestant: Goosey, Goosey? THE WEAKEST LINK Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet? Contestant: Jool carriageway. Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius? Contestant: Bombay. Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes? Contestant: Crocodiles. Anne Robinson: Wh...? Contestant (interrupting): Pass! Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen? Contestant: Chocolate salesmen. Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...? Contestant: (long pause) Joe? Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral? Contestant: Geronimo! NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.? Contestant: William Shakespeare. CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC BRISTOL Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again. Caller: Er... Mexico? FAMILY FORTUNES 1) Something a blind man might use? - A Sword 2) A song with the word Moon in the title? - Blue Suede Moon 3) Name the capital of France? - F 4) Name a bird with a long Neck? - Naomi Campbell 5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar 6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital 7) What is Hitler's first name? - Heil 8) A famous Scotsman? - Jock 9) Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde. 10) A dangerous race? - The Arabs 11) Something that floats in a bath? - Water 12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? - A horse 13) Something you wear on a beach? - A deckchair 14) A famous Royal? - Mail 15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? - A bicycle with wings 16) A famous bridge? - The Bridge Over Troubled Waters 17) Something a cat does? - Goes to the toilet 18) Something you do in the bathroom? - Decorate 19) A method of securing your home? - Put the kettle on 20) Something associated with pigs? - The Police 21) A sign of the Zodiac? - April 22) Something people might be allergic to? - Skiing 23) Something you do before you go to bed? - Sleep 24) Something you put on walls? - A roof 25) Something slippery? - A conman 26) A kind of ache? - A fillet of fish 27) A jacket potato topping? - Jam 28) A food that can be brown or white? - A potato 29) Something sold by gypsies? - Bananas 30) Something red? - My sweater RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona. Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain. STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2 Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube? Contestant: India. Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway? Contestant: Espresso. Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney. Contestant: Sydney. THIS MORNING Judy Finnegan: The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera. True or false? Contestant: True? Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show,so I'll give you that. BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last? Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days. BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons? Contestant: Four BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er... Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor... Contestant: Blimey? Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run... Contestant: (Silence) Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I... Contestant: Walked? DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels? Contestant: Holland? Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet. Contestant: Iceland? Ireland? Daryl Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel? Contestant: No.

OOOOO Andy!!!!!! I'm trying my best to type this through the tears of laughter........my sides are splitting.......they've cheered me up no end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yer a typical northern lad!!!! Mancunian Lin XX

Andy, always nice to feel superior to someone. Very good. Happy days

24 carats. PMSL. Micheal.

roflmao!

LMAO Andy I aint in a very good mood with you anyways after that email you sent lol. I nearly hit the ceiling lol ;) xxx

Dawn, what, you mean you didn't make it to the end? Tsk..... ;-) x

:oP xx

Thanks for a good laugh Andy!! Have only seen a few of these before, they are all hilarious. Mandy :))

Andy ROFLMHO!!!! Just one thing................ you mean a minstrel wasn't a chocolate salesman???? pmsl

Julie, lol :-)))