General Chat

What to do...? Our parents are the only ones left alive of their generation. All my aunts and uncles have gone and a dear cousin, my bridesmaid. Just my parents left now. My brothers and I are the only ones who are not orphaned out of all our cousins. Our parents are 86 this year and still going strong. I can't ask them about those who have died. My gut feeling is leave it alone. What is your advice?

For what it is worth my dad died 3 years ago, he was 83 and loved talking about 'the old days' and consequently deceased relatives. I think that by talking about those gone it helps to keep their memory alive.

Winter - one of my greatest regrets is that I didn't talk to my parents more about their lives when they were alive. I know they would have loved to share things with me but I was always too busy - and let's face it - I wasn't all that interested. Now that they've gone, I think of all the missed opportunities that I had to get to know them better and in hindsight, I know they would have been delighted that I was interested enough to ask. If you get the vilbes from them that they don't want to talk about their lives, family etc - you can always back off - but at least you will have given them the opportunity to share their life stories with you. Anna

When I was visiting my late friend, before she went into a nursing home, she was delighted to talk of the memories of those gone before her and her memory was very good. Why not try bringing one of the names into the conversation, i.e. comparing something you did by saying so and so used to like doing that , or reading that etc. it leaves the way open for them to follow it up and then you can drop questions in to move the conversation along. Don't miss the chance - give it a go. Good luck.

GO FOR IT while you can. You may be very surprised at how cooperative they will be. Show them a print of the tree that you have got so far and I would guess they will be happy to talk about the blanks you may have or the lives they led ..... and I bet that they will be equally happy to let you have some photographs that you can scan and give back to them. Your parents arent going to be upset at your wishing to take them back to their earlier lives- probably be very pleased to talk about the years before puters came along !

My Uncle is the only one left on mums side ,he wasnt interested till i found an old photo of my g.gran born1875.hes now hooked sent me photos and keeps asking me to find names,the photo opened so many memories for him and he's in his 80s,its rejuvinated him in a way,he's enjoying it,,,,so please ask they can always say no,but i dont think so

Aileen, I have just one aunt (90 this year) who would be able to tell me anything about my father and his early life with their parents and 8 siblings. He died when I was 12, and I never knew his family until I found them last year through family research. I've always found elderly people very keen to reminisce about their experience of earlier times. I would just tell them that you are very interested in what life was like when they were young (without asking too many personal questions) and see if they are willing to talk about it. They may volunteer more personal memories in due course. I wish you luck, as they are your most valuable resource - in more ways than one! CB >|<

I would ask them - its always better to remember the good things about those that have gone, the happy times, rather than concentrate on the fact that they're no longer here. I have a similar situation to yourself - of 4 sisters and 2 brothers, my father only has one sister left, my mother was an only child, and all of the previous gerenation (grandparents and their siblings) are long gone. My parents have always been more than happy to talk about them.

I only have a couple of aunty's left that I can ask and they love it ,have given me so many leads and one in particular is so excited when I find something new out. The other aunty is an aunty by marriage and can't tell me too much she says she was like me a dizzy teenager to busy to ask and now wishes she had. But I would say go for it and ask they will love talking about the past and who knows what you will learn. I am sure if they are not keen you will soon get the message and then can leave it. Oh how I wish I had asked more and Listened to my Mum she was a mine of info though I didn't take it in at the time. Germaine x

Winter, what Ginny says is so true, for about a year before I lost mum, seven years ago,(she was 88), she was lost in her reveries of the past, which we never realised until she passed comment to my daughter.....saying how much she missed my dad, who had been gone for over 35 years. We were stunned to hear it....never aware, selfishly how much she must have yearned to discuss the past, her parents, husband, sisters etc....... I think now, that had we brought it up more, her last year would have been so much fuller, happier and we could have had many more memories of our ancestors to carry with us. So I think by talking about the past with the older generation, gives them a new lease of life and makes them still feel valuable to us, as well as drawing them closer to us and vice versa. Just do it Winter.......I don't think you have anything to lose, only much to gain. Happy reminiscing... Lin XX

I've only got my daughters left (and a couple of cousins in America). My daughters aren't really interested -cousins are on and off with their interest. But the main reason I'm doing this is for ME.

Dear Winter, My dad is 81 and my mum 78. In September my dad was diagnosed with asbestosis, by November the doctor was pretty sure is was mesothelioma. At present my dad is not very well, on morphine etc. For the last year or so I've been telling myself I need to interview my parents before it's too late. A few weeks ago I sat down with Dad and asked him about his childhood, his journey to Australia in his 20's, what he did when he got here and his family. It was one of the funniest and happiest afternoons I've had as my Dad has always seen the bright side of life. Whatever the outcome for my Dad, I'm so glad I've done this. I would forever regret having not done so. Talk to you parents before it's too late. Write a list of questions for them. You won't regret it, believe me. Susan

I wish I had talked more about the impotant things to my mum. Speak to them, they will love it I'm sure. Deanna X