General Chat

Chap went to the doctors and said, 'Doctor, I think I am going deaf'. 'Oh, dear', said the doctor, 'what are the symptoms?' The man replied, 'They're a yellow cartoon family on BBC2' Anne

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, 'Where are you going?' 'To the kitchen' he replies. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure.' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it.' He says, 'I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!' she retorts. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he grumbles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says - 'Where's my toast? Keep Reading A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!' Keep Reading Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, its Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.' Keep Reading A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty.'

Bob Now that's a good one and darn right too. PMSL Joy

Subject: FBI story A wee funny to keep you going Just a quick reminder!!!!! The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her! The man said, 'You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.' Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.' MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them

Not forgetting, Hopalong the one legged tight rope walker...........

Thread closed

Andy did you hear about those robbers who broke into a chemist and took everything apart from the brylcreme and the contraceptives? The police are looking for a gang of bald headed catholics!!! Dave

now i wish you were in the sahara andy lol bev

Let me out of here...everyones gone mad lol X

PMSL xx

**groan**

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? Thanks, I'll never part with it!