General Chat

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A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched up to the counter and said 'I'm looking for a job'. The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year'. The Scouser said 'You're bullsh*tting me!' The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!' Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered. It later turned out to be a tax disc. A Scouser walks into a bar in Manchester dressed up in his new Liverpool shirt and orders a drink before noticing a picture of Sir Matt Busby on the wall. He was just about to leave when the barman says: 'Where do you think You're going?' The Scouser replies: 'I'm sorry, I just noticed Matt Busby there and I think I'd better leave,' The barman says: 'No no no. It's too late for that. You've got to roll the dice Pal,' The Scouser looks puzzled and says: 'Roll the dice?' The Barman replies: 'Yeh. If you roll between 1 and 5 we kick the crap out of you,' The Scouser says: 'What if I roll a 6?' The barman replies: 'You get another go.' Two Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. He tells them that he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back with the 20,000 bowling balls, will he take them, so he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies with sarcasm 'Scouse eggs'. The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. He rushes back to his cruiser and gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that he requires so many officers. 'I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have hatched and the sods have managed to nick a motorbike already.

I wonder who these jokes are for then?

Really PMSL !!!! nice one Bec

Hiya Bec - Does Daniel know what you were saying yet?? Love Jan xx waves to Daniel p.s Rick is very cross with you Bec lol

*wonders why Rick's annoyed with her....* lol *waves to Stepmum Jan* Jan - I think he has an idea... lol xx

Rick muttered something about help the aged lmao!! xx he also said something that sounded like witch :-))

Jan - Bless him... Rick - HALLOWEEN IS FINISHED NOW! CHRISTMAS IS THE NEXT HOLIDAY/CELEBRATION! Jan - Has he taken his pills today? lolxx

A Scouser walked into a building society, pulled out a gun and told the cashier to hand over the money or else he would shoot her. At that the cashier burst out laughting. The scouser said 'What are you laughing at, don't you know i'm serious', at which point the cashier said, still laughing, 'Not until you pull the cork out of the barrel'

Careful, last time I put some of these on, I got a bo.. a boll... bollo.... I got told off. Paul (by the way... ahem ? lol)

Paul - You don't have the sweetness and charm that I have to get away with it.... ;0) xx

yeah right

*reports Paul to abuse* lol