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Im in a dilemma Now don’t get me wrong I love my husband to pieces, I have been married to him For 44 years BUT He retired over 3 years ago and sometimes he really gets on my nerves. He repeatedly insists on doing things for me that I would prefer to do myself. I appreciate his help sometimes as all women do but it is getting a bit much. I start a job and he is leaning over my shoulder saying “Let me do that for you” If it wasn’t for my Theatre Group twice a week to get me out of the house I’m sure I would go mental. 24/7 would drive me insane with him lol. He is of course an Englishman and his home is his Castle, he doesn’t have any out of the home hobbies, I wish he did have. He loves his garden and he grows Hyrodponics but that’s about it. Do you think he is bored????? I have asked him and all I get is “I’m OK” I don’t want to upset him by saying too much other wise he will think I am nagging And I do appreciate his help at times, but not all the time. Has anyone any ideas to help me out with this problem. I know some of you will say let him do what he wants to but I love doing things my way like I always have done and he changes things around grrrrrrrrrrr. Helppppppppppppppp Regards Jackie

I have solved both our problems. Send Hubby with the cake and file, it will get him out of your hair for at least a week. Lol Are you seriously saying that you are trying to teach an old dog new tricks? Shame on you.

Lol No not trying to teach and old dog new tricks but just wish he didn't want to do so many tricks lol Why can't he go and learn Lawn Bowls or Golf for a couple of days. Oh for some quality time on my own Jackie

Buy him a set of clubs for Xmas Jackie, then he'll have to go golfing!! lol :0) Joan x

My Mum and Dad and Parents-in-law went through this. Eventually my Mum got one of her friends husbands to phone up and get my Dad involved with his 'outside the house' hobby. My Father-in-law couldn't handle thumb twiddling either and got himself another job... and when that finished, another job. It must be tough if your husband was used to working with other people all day. He would be used to advising and flexing his expertise. Instead of getting cross, start leaving prospectuses for the local college around. Ask what any of his old collegues do now, could he get in touch?If you make first contact, would he feel obliged to go along? Play on his ego - are there any groups or orginisations that would appreciate his skills in your area? Hope it sorts out for you.

Oh Jackie you poor things. The house has been our domain for so long hasn't it? whilst hubby has been out to work. They come home too tiered to have a real hobby and thus when retire don't know what to do with themselves and think after all those years we moaned at them saying we don't get help around the place etc etc now he can and he's under our feet LOL Why not sit down , cuddle up and discuss it........ find something you can both do together, find something you both like doing on your own and try to share the housework etc and let it easy into a natrual thing........... after all those years of stuck in your roles now you have the chance to play and find new routines........what an adventure. Much happiness debi

Hi Jackie I have heard this so many times and I agree with RW above. Until he finds something of his own to do though, I wouldn't complain about him helping, or he may start to feel useless. What about asking him if he would mind doing the shopping for you? This would give you a bit of space and save you time as well. Chrissie xx p.s. Another thought - what about getting him to build you some sets? I know hubby will be doing this a lot when he retires.

I think you need to say to him - in the nicest possible way - that much as you appreciate help, you will ask when you need it. Reading that back it sounds a bit cold and blunt - I truly don't mean it that way, but basically that is the message you need to convey - in your own charming and subtle way :O) Good luck xxx

Hi I,ve been married for 48 years & we both retired from full time work 6 years ago. He was always shift work so our paths didnt cross very often during the week & I had to do all the work involved in looking after house & bringing up our daughter. My problem when he retired that he let me still get on with things with NO help but when i did my normal organising of outside things he got the Ar..se & got very stroppy.said I was telling him what to do & HE had a mind of his own.I tried to explain that he had wanted me to all the organising for over 40 years so I was only doing what I always had. We had to come to a compromise (well i had to!!!) I had to think how I worded things first so as not to belittle!!his words) him & to let him think i was asking rather than telling,but i still organise,just it lets him think he is making the decision!!. He has taken to be The Dishwasher Monitor!!! & makes the bed every morning,not how I would do it ,but it doesnt matter, Plus I ask him for help with other things too & let him get on with it. It is hard seeing things not done how I would like ,but If I wasnt here I know he could look after his self. So could you not sit down & discuss how you could split the chores, say it will get them done quicker & this would leave you both free to persue other interests. Be VERY diplomatic when making the decisions,dont ever say you dont do things how I want. Get him to do things you can live with how he s done it. I think he wants to be part of the home & if you still do evrything he wont feel its his home too. You will have to bite back comments from time to time & for a while think how things sound before you say them. Good Luck ,Im sure it will work out. Shirley

I know he misses his job he was a Safety Officer in Construction and did have a lot of Comradery with his workmates but we live too far away from them now. Most have not retired yet anyway. He has a Greenhouse and his garden and his Hydroponics but because he gets up at 5am every morning (Hasn't been able to break the habit) Most of his work is finished by about 10am. Thats when he comes and annoys me lol. Look don't get me wrong most days I am OK with it but there are times when I feel annoyed and just wish he would go away lol. The idea about leaving some leaflets around sounds like a good idea there are lots of voluntary jobs around. Unfortunately we are in the process of selling our house and will be moving 70 kms away from here so it will probably have to wait until we move now. But I will make some subtle suggestions to him in the meantime. He just made me a coffee Bless his heart He He Thanks everyone Jackie

Jackie My husband and I are still working. He returned this morning earlier than I expected. I was in the middle of moving my sons' bedroom furniture round, emptying wardrobes and having a good old clear-out. After he'd driven me bonkers by standing IN THE DOORWAY blocking my trips to and fro, while talking about how he really liked my Pink Floyd CD (which I was trying to listen to!), I finally started just handing him things and saying 'put this in the cupboard' or 'chuck this in the bin' etc. He did help me with moving the heavy stuff, thank goodness. But I did ask him ages ago to move a hook from one door and put it on another one. and I am still waiting... I am determined that when we retire his 'job' will be to chauffeur me to records offices and buy me lunch! nell

Jackie I do sympathise. My hubby intends to retire in 5 years (I would like to point out that he is 11 years older than me!!!) and I am not ready for that at all. I had a taste of this 4 years ago when he was on 6 months 'gardening leave' - the old firm held him to his contract when he left for the opposition. It drove me insane. I'm used to tea breaks and lunch when I want them, doing the chores when I feel like it and meeting friends when I wish. He wanted to do everything with me and couldn't understand why I didn't like it. He even had a project, to install the new kitchen and, after 4 months of being at home following me round, finally decided to do it, in the week leading up to Christmas!!!!!!!!! How I'm not doing time for murder I don't know. We'd miss them if they weren't here though wouldn't we? Good luck! Daisy