General Chat

I quess I am a little confussed as to how I feel, usually I am such a anything goes person, but here it is My sister had a little girl 4 wks ago, she is beautiful and I have only seen her once as I live miles from her, they registered her name yesterday and although I have spoken to her in the past week she had not told me that they had at last settled on her name, up until then it was a case of well probably we will call her xxxxx well xxxxx, happens to be the name that I gave to my daughter who died inuterine at 6 months,she would have been 20 yrs old 2 wks ago, I know it was a girl and also knew that she had Downs, what I cant understand is why I feel so upset, I dont usually respond like this and would say the choice was up to them, I quess I feel its kinnda disrepectful, how would you feel, maybe I need to have my butt kicked!! It has brought to the forfront something that I had dealt with many years ago, so why do I feel the way I do? kes

Oh dear Kes. Maybe they wanted to call her that in memory of your daughter, & it wasn't done in a disrespectful way at all, in fact the opposite? Perhaps they should have discussed it with you first but maybe if they have mentioned it before & you didn't object then they may have felt ok about it, but they may have no idea what effect it has had on you. Try to talk to your sister about it if you can, otherwise the guessing will drive you mad hun. Take care, Joan xxxx

Kes I would have thought that your sister is paying a huge tribute to your daughter by naming your neice after her cousin. I once had a cousin, who sadly died age eight (I was a baby at the time) One of her brothers grew up and named his child after his sister. Whenever they see her, they are reminded of their sister, her memory is kept alive Elaine x

you are right of course and I had convinced myself that this is how I should view it, I think Wendy its more a case of the fact that she has not told me, maybe she feels a little quilty, not that i can imagine her feeling quilty about anything as she is one of life's folk who never gives a thought to others feelings, me on the other hand has a tendency to feel for others first before myself, maybe thats why i am a good counsellor (so i am told) does not make it easier though does it, maybe tonight i shall give myself a good talking too!! kes.

Kes I am taking it your sister knew it was the name you gave your daughter. She may of done it as a tribute or may not realise how you feel. Try talking to her (not always easy) maybe you could have a pet name for your niece til you get used to the situation.

Kes, I think I'd feel honoured that another lovely little girl was going to have the name I'd chosen for the child I'd lost. It's the loss of your child you are feeling, not the use of the name, and that's perfectly understandable. CB >|<

no she had not even remembered that it was the name i had given my daughter until my brother told her, and then did not say anything to me until she had told other family members, so the tribute thing does not wash with this one, but its how i will see it. kes

I understand Kes I have as sister like that too!!! Sometimes I can't believe we had the same mother!! I would go with Dawn, & use a pet name for your niece, & tell your sister exactly why you will be doing so. I expect she will be shocked that you fell that way if she is anything like my sister!!! Joan xxxxxxxxxxxxx

kes i can understand you would have sad feelings and memories of your daughter after all the pain never goes away.but when you look at that little girl she will remind you of your daughter as they have the same name.it will be hard but in time it will get easier much love and hugsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx(((:

I think the world of my baby sister, we used to be very close it is only in the past few years that things have moved on and its probably an age thing we all move on and into different circles, i can understand that, what makes it so hard is that i looked after her when she was little and done everything for her, and i feel so blasted hurt. i will of course love my new neice as i dearly love and cherish all my neices and nephews and i will see her for who she is, i like the nickname bit i shall call her snow white. kes

Kes, having lost a baby daughter (she would have been 37 on Saturday) I can understand your feelings. In my tree, there have been a number of children who died as a baby, and the next child was given the same name. My mother had a brother, Alfred, who died and the next son was called Alfred. I can't see how they could do it, but different people have different feelings. I don't think they meant any disrespect. David

I think it's terrifically insensitive of your sister and how disrepectful not to recall the name of her niece. She should have asked how you felt first. I would go with the suggestion of the pet name so you don't associate your difficult feelings with the baby and explain why. You aren't a bad person for feeling this way.

Kes, I understand exactly how you feel and think that your sister has been very thoughtless so well done you for being able to accept the little one and find her a nice nickname. I lost my daughter Zoe and would have been so upset if this had happened to me. It almost did in a way, with my neighbour next door, a few years ago. Her daughter bred dogs and came round to say she was keeping one of the pups and it would be called Zoe. She knew me when I lost my Zoe but as she didn't live with her mum I got over that. When my neighbour's hubby died, she was given an abandoned cat by her grandson. She was trying to think of a name for it and then came up with Zoe, and I said something like 'oh, but that's my daughter's name' and she said ' well, that was a long time ago' (about 25 years at that time). Luckily when I took the cat to the vet for her to be checked over and given the injections, the vet moved lots of long fur away and found he was a boy. Was I relieved? My mum had it happen to her too, she had a still born son who she called Richard, and then a little while later, her sister-in-law had a boy and my paternal gran insisted he was called Richard. So difficult for mum and dad.