General Chat

if you were in childrens homes, care or adopted. is it always a good idea to try and find your biological family. should you go looking, what if you find trouble?

hi linda i was adopted and found my 3 brothers and 3 birth auntie,my aunties are great but iv had nothing but grief from my brothers partners.so there are good and bad out comes angie x

I know someone who was adopted and they have absolutely no interest in knowing who their real parents were. Also my Dad's Father walked out before he was born, and he isn't interested in finding him or knowing if he has any half brothers or sisters - which he probably does. I'm eaten up with curiosity regarding my Dad's Dad, but I won't ever go looking for fear of offending him. I guess everyone's different. Kaye x

dont want to know my realy parents either angie xx

It's all very different for each individual but it's best to follow your instincts provided you try and accept that there are a hundred possibilities waiting at the other end. It's also very likely that whatever you find waiting for you, it ain't necessarily going to answer all the questions you have or provide 'the missing piece to the jigsaw'. A lot of people who are not brought up by their birth families think that they will be made more 'whole' and it's not often the case. Having said all that, if you're someone who is going to spend your life wondering where and who you came from, in my opinion it's better to bite the bullet and find out, good or bad:)

thank you. there are lots of opinions...... thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. lisa xx

you have nothing to loose lisa, hubby was in a kids home but his youngest sister was adopted at 6 weeks old, he didnt know she exsisted, till 2 year ago, wen they found each other and started chatting , on phone at first, it was lovely, then they met and it was great to share in their happiness, though hubby had been returned to his mother as a youngster with his other brothers and sisters , his mother didnt really show any interest as a mother should, and hasnt wanted to bother with new sister, now after a misunderstanding his new sister has cut off contact with him, and his mother has accused him of causing trouble by finding the sister, not all familys are like this , and if you dont find them youll probably wish you had, just be prepared for any out come, and make sure you got support from family

Lisa Its completely 50 -50- who knows? you have no way of telling what you will find. You have no way of finding out unless you look. if you want to do it, then do it, but dont wear rose tinted specs when you do Be realistic, be open ,inded and be prepared for worst-case senario - then it can only be better, For instance; You might find that your birth was as a result of a night of indulgent passion and that your birth mum would rather pretend it didnt happen.It did, you were born and given away, She got on with the rest of her life, married had more children etc and you managed to find out where she is now. if she was happily married and she replied to a letter saying that she had no interest in you ir your life whatsoever, would you be able to take that? Think long and hard - decide to do it, and get on and DO it, or leave it well alone. been there done it, got the scars!Would i do it again ? Yes! Remember this there is alot you can do to find out ABOUT them , you dont have to want know them. maybe know ABOUT them would surfice jess x

i think that was my problem,i never thought it through and wore them rose tinted glasses.i didnt tell no one i was looking for my brothers,untill my hubby saw me on computer and saw me putting a request up,he was fully supportive of me.the first year was brilliant,but thinks have come to a vertual stand still at the moment,iv got to the stage were if my brothers cant be bothered to keep intouch i cant be bothered either,which makes me sad,but its the way things are now angie xx

again wow !!!. i agree with everything you have all said and deep down i guess i knew what you were gonna say. it all mounts up to, if you dont try, you wont know. thanks anyway for everything lisa xx

Hello Lisa, our 15-y-o daughter and 12-y-o son are adopted. Shauna was the product of a one-night-stand of passion apparently; B/M isn't sure who B/F is, and she told Shauna that - when she was about 8. We've met some of their birth family, and they're really nice. If the children want to trace their birth parents (Alan has a different B/F), we won't stop them, although we'll have to remind them of the possible pitfalls. Take care, and hugs to those of you who were also 'chosen'. x

hiya lisa, my dad was in a workhouse when he was 2.i only found this out 2 years ago. today i went for some blood tests, and in the hospital grounds is the workhouse. but its now a physio dept. i felt really funny. cos when i looked at the entrence. i knew my dad had walked over it. as i lost my dad 52 yrs ago, when i was 6. i felt a bit closer to him, i bet you think i am daft x

none of you are daft, this all makes complete sence. well, i left it an open question and all replies are personal responces, thoughts and feelings - i know who my family are and they are very important to me but my partner did not have family - i do family trees and love it, but he was always left out and thought me mad !!!, just did not understand (that i have the bug !!) last year i found a maternal sister for him and that went ok, but the maternal brother said 'dont conact the paternal branch - dont look for that family' and then just by being curious and not looking too much i found the paternal branch and yes there is a brother. we have just made initial contact, and shall see how things go, a little at a time as its quite shocking still, it cant be any worse than not knowing anything and if nothing else maybe some questions will be answered. you never know, maybe all will be ok, only time will tell. if not, we have nothing to loose. i appreciate your comments as it helped me understand a little about how he might feel. best wishes to you all lisa xx