General Chat

If you had been offered a brilliant job, something you had always wanted to do and you had to move to a different town and your 16 year old daughter didn't want to go, what would you do? bare in mind she's left school but, she has been very differcult over the past 2 years, you name it, she's been up to it and I'm terrified of leaving her and this is definately not what I am going to do. Ria :(

Believe me - if she thought for 1 second there was really any chance of being left behind she'd jump in the car like a shot. This is an exercise in control and manipulation. If you allow this job to pass by because of a stroppy teenage girl who will change her mind about what to strop over in a couple of weeks then you need smacking with a wet kipper, lol. Just tell her she's coming, end of story. If she still refuses, make her a flask and sandwiches, wish her a happy life and shake hands on the path. I'll put a tenner on it she then reaches the new house before you do!

Well said Wendy. Hilary. x

Hi Wendy, i spent 2 hours with her crying and her bringing up anything she possibly could to put me down. She reckons her dad has offered to lend her £300 to help her get her own place, she has no idea, and neither does her dad by the sound of it. I've got to speak to her dad later which is going to be a nightmare as he won't back me up. It's only 60 miles away, i have 4 weeks to find a house and somewhere for my 19 year old son to live, this is a nightmare. Guilt, thats an understatement.

She's playing you like a fiddle. Tell her to accept her Dad's very generous offer and say you'll buy her some towels as a moving in present. She is hoping for just the reaction you have given. At just 16 she cannot rent any property in her name. Her cosy little world is changing and it is scary which is why she is going to fight tooth and nail to keep things as they are. She will also manipulate her parents against each other. When you talk to her Dad make sure you use the phrase 'Daughter told me that......' rather than leaping in with 'What the b;***y hell are you thinking of' It may well be that he has NOT offered her the money at all and may also have been told some tall stories about you. Do NOT allow her to be the parent in your relationship. You are her mother and she has to accept that you ARE moving. You and her Dad are also legally responsible for her for the next 2 years.

Thanks Wendy, I've got to get through work without losing the plot, my last day for 2 weeks as i already had it booked months ago thankfully. Going away for a week without! the kids lol. Girls are horrible aren't they, I said to her last night 'do you actually have anything good to say about me? she said ' what do you want me to say? grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrI could type an thesis on this episode. I suppose i'm just so tired of dealing with her, she has the choice of living with either me or her dad, we will live very close to each other so she will see both of us. i've told her she can do what she wants in a years time too. I'm almost at the point of saying to her dad, right! it's your turn, deal with it, you can have her, without giving him the choice.

I take it her Dad hasn't offered to take her in then, presuming he lives nearby. Beth :)

I think that's the choice you have to give them both - she comes with you or goes to her dad's!!!! She's playing all her cards at once silly girl - we've all tried to push our parents so don't take it personally!! Just do as Wendy says!! :O)

She is being a typical teenager who wants her own way. Tell her she is either going with you or going to her father because no way can she afford to stay on her own. If necessary write down how much it costs to run accommodation plus food etc so she can see what irt costs. But don't let her see that she is upsetting you because that way she has control which is what she wants. Don't give up the chance of the job you have always wanted, in a year or so she wont be living with you anyway. do appreciate how you feel though. Do not feel guilt, you have a life too. Ann Glos

If it's any consolation my teenage son had just left school when we moved to Cheshire last year, my daughter was also in school where we lived.They were both told under no circumstances were they staying with friends or relatives and the option to leave home when 18 was given them.Yes we had arguments about it but at the end of the day, we are legally responsible for them.Now they are settled and regularly visit friends and family where we lived before. HC

Maria, I'm with Wendy on this. She is playing you like a fiddle. Your life too, is not a dress rehearsal. You must also look after Maria. Deanna ((((hugs))))

Thanks everyone. well i got to work and was so wound up i had to go sit with my team leader for half an hour but i'm calmer now. As I thought, my ex was useless, he thinks she can look after herself. he wants her to either live 1 of us, but he thinks if she can prove she can look after herself, she should be allowed to. This is even though she spends most of her time hanging around with a bunch of kids in the park or graveyard drinking and smokin dope. I think he, even after 15 years apart just wants to disagree with me. here's me saying there's no way she can stay as she has nowhere to live and no money and she's not old enough, and he's saying yes i'll support you and give you some money for a deposit, the kid must be in her element. Well, we will just have to wait and see, and when it comes down to it, she's just not staying on her own. My son who is 19, thinks his father is being really stupid and even he says to his dad there's no way she could do it. Ria