General Chat

A FEW OF LIFE'S IMPONDERABLES (Apologies if you've seen this before)

No one can ever know for sure what a deserted area looks like. After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water? Do illiterates get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Does killing time damage eternity? How can you identify a person using their dental records? If you don’t know who they are, you certainly won’t know who their dentist is. Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? How can you tell when you’re out of invisible ink? How come wrong numbers on the ‘phone are never engaged? How do ‘Keep Off The Grass’ signs get where they are? How is it that an ‘all butter’ croissant isn’t just a big pile of butter? If a man stands in a forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? If I save time, when do I get it back? If nothing sticks to Teflon, how does it stay on the pan? If Polish people are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? If someone with a multiple personality disorder threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? If you try to fail, but succeed, which have you done? Is it bad luck to be superstitious? We know the speed of light, but what’s the speed of dark? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say “I think I’ll squeeze those dangly things and drink whatever comes out”? What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and put our junk in the garage? Why do we use answering machines to screen ‘phone calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand? Why is there only one Monopolies Commission? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

well done CB thats all so true , and gave me a laugh,

X

;o) x

As always CB - JUST GREAT THANKS I'm back by the way-Rose

Nice one CB Here are a few more Management has determined that there is no longer any need for Windows 98/NT/2000/XP support. The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Dec. 31, 2005. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many reasons for doing this: 1. No Operating System problems. 2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done. 3. No more wasted time reading and writing e-mails, and surfing the Internet. Frequently Asked Questions for Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support: Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. A: Pick it up and shake it Q. How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q. What's the shortcut for Undo? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q. How do I create a New Document window? A. Pick it up and shake it. Q. How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour? A. Pick it up and shake it. Q. What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch A: Pick it up and shake it. Q. How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q. How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document? A: Don't shake it.

Brilliant, thanks for those, just what you need late on a Friday afternoon, when all you want to do is really go home, be with your family and chill Rosiexx

Jim, Thanks - that's hilarious! It'll go down a treat with David! CB >|< X

Loved that one about psychics never winning the lottery! But liked the others, too. Made me giggle.

Car and junk in garage comes to mind!!! LOL Stel.xx Thanks.

Thanks CB they certainly made me smile, now I will stay awake half the night trying to `work` them out Lol!!!! Love and Peace Marianne.xxxx