General Chat

I'll probably get lynched by all you women, but here goes...

Subject: For Men who are tired of male-Bashing jokes! How many men does it take to open a Beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. ---------------------------------------- Why is a Launderette a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. ---------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ---------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something clever? When she starts her sentence with 'A man once told me...' ---------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ---------------------------------------- Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. ---------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ---------------------------------------- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. -------------------------------------- I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ---------------------------------------- I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her. --------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ---------------------------------------- Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering. ---------------------------------------- Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!' ---------------------------------------- In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. ------------------------------------------ Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ---------------------------------------- A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Oxford St and said, 'I haven't eaten anything for days.' She looked at him and said, 'God, I wish I had your willpower.' ---------------------------------------- Young Son: 'Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?' Dad: That happens in every country, son. ---------------------------------------- A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: Wife Wanted.' The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' ---------------------------------------- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

ROFLMAO JULIE xxx

Dear Derek I won't lynch you, I love your mind boggling jokes Janet

Derek, An oasis in the desert. Men have scored a goal at last, but we,re still a long way behind. happy days

Outstanding!!!!!!!!!!!! More More More.

you missed an important one mate : what time is it when your wife leaves the kitchen to nag you???? ans Time to make the chain shorter !!!...think I wil hide now for a while, Malc ;0)

Patricia, I am very happily married. She understands my wierd sense of humour, well I've not been lynched yet... :0) Nice one, Malc. Derek.

Very good lol

you are so funny derek, are you really in the desert or does it feel like a desert cos you cant find the kettle? my son told me the 'small feet, to get closer to sink' line when he told me , why does a women get married in white? to match all her kitchen appliances

superb!!!!

Julie, really in the desert. Syrian when I'm at work and when I'm home I live in the only desert in Europe, in south east Spain. Don't miss the rain at all. :o) Derek