General Chat

When I worked in a building society, one of my customers,refering to my new haircut, said "Do you have it off often?" A case of open mouth, insert foot!

I've just read them Paul, they have made me feel quite bright! Deanna Me too Happy birthday Paul. See I'm not so bright afer all. :-O((

Meant to say - Have a very happy birthday too. Lx

My mum's always embarrassing me. She said once she would really love a vibrator (the sort you put round your waist to lose weight with I hasten to add) and another time she said she was worn out as she had been humping all day (moving furniture). Another time she saw these novelties jumping around (think male bits!) and shouted at me to come and watch the lovely little dancing mushrooms! I dread to think what she'll say in public next. Lorrainex

Cheers Paul. A very Happy Birthday. Pat x

Nice one Paul. Aileen

My sister was having carpets layed when her neighbour walked in and blurted out, 'I wonder if he has something to fit my back passage!!'

Hi Paul, nice to see you! Can't believe you haven't got any from Dubya in that lot! Maz. XX PS Just found this site - www(.)bushisms(.)com

a women i work with friday reached past my boss to get a pencil out of the box and said ,' have you got led in your pencil to him', i thought it hilarious, as shes a single women divorced 30 years , and so busy watching everyones private lives,

Paul Thank youl. I'm feeling very intelligent today! Happy Birthday! Daisy

They are excellent! I was reading some headlines that are daft but true and one was on the lines of, "Police Chief promise to murder witnesses" and another was, "Burglars eat then rob victim" which I liked. Lx

you're not wrong, i'm one of them!! lol wish i was 21 again Aileen

Happy Birthday. 21 again? Bet there are a few red faces on this site of people wishing they had sat on their hands. ha ha. Aileen

BRAIN CRAMPS Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've ! lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas. "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony. "The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman ....Feeling smarter yet?

Have you ever put your mouth in gear while your brain is still in neutral? Here are a few examples of just that...