General Chat

A guy tapped me on the shoulder in a pub and when I turned around he said 'I wouldnt have bothered if I knew you were that old' his mates all laughed until I came back with ' I wouldnt have bothered if I knew you were that small, does Snow White know you're out'? Then his mates laughed at him.

Good for you, Margaret. I thought it was just me who encountered short blokes. Wish I looked young from the back though! LoL CB >|< ;>)))

My fave putdown is when some rather unattractive male journalist asked Martina Navratilova was "still a lesbian?" and she replied: "Yes, if you're still the alternative!" nell

Nice one, Margaret! I've also heard someone in a show say to a heckler "have you ever heard of Durex?" then, whatever the heckler says "course I have" etc came the reply "well, I wish your father had!" Makes 'em speechless every time, apparently.

There's also that lovely exchange in "On Golden Pond" when the smartarse kid says to Henry Fonda - God you're really old! Fonda: you should meet my father. Kid (amazed): you're father is still alive? Fonda: no, but you should meet him. and the exchange between Lady Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill NA: If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee. WA: If you were my wife, I'd drink it! nell

another Winiston Churchill quote lady to winston, you are drunk!! winston to lady, and you madam are ugly, but at least i will be sober in the morning!!!

I've heard a variation on the drunk / ugly one: 'Gosh, you're fat' 'Yes and you are ugly, but I can diet!' Sam

i went out with my hubby to a works do, he warned me beforehand that one bloke might try and embrassess me with a put down. i wore a dress which revealed a bit of cleavage (nothing too bad you understand) sure enough when introduced this guy said to me " do you know you have a bum on your chest?" to which i replied, whilst leaning over slightly, you mean you have never seen a cleavage before?? his wife promptly hit him, and he was ever so polite to me all evening!!!!!

I work in a pub and one guy shouted over the bar..."Cor love I wouldnt mind getting in your knickers!" To which I smiled sweetly and replied.."Sorry mate...there is already one arsehole in there, I dont need another!"

That was brilliant Magaret. Its always the geeks that behave like that, a nice person wouldnt. Deanna

The State Premier of Victoria was addressing an audiance giving the usual electioneering spiel and was constantly being heckled and interupted by a member of the audiance. " what about playgrounds for the kids" " they need space,a small plot of green field is no use at all." The speaker continued as politicians do and every few minutes the same heckler came on with the same theme . "Space for the kids playground." This went on until the Premier turned to the audience and asked to be excused a moment. He duly returned to the platform and told the assemblyhe would continue . What about the heckler came a shout from the back of the hall. " Oh thats settled I asked him what he wanted" He replied "Space for the kids park " So i gave him two acres.

Heard this one, and hope I remember it if I am ever put in this situation. Flasher jumps out from behind bushes and says "What do you think?" Reply: "It looks like a p---s, only smaller!" Frances

i head a good 1 the other night did you get that dress from out of space? coz your arse looks out out of this world

anyone else have a good putdown

I don't think anyone could beat Bev's ........ very good lol

Thanks everyone. I will certainly use some of them LOL

Walking home from work late one night, was rather worried when I saw a large group of drunken yobboes approaching me. One came right up to me and roared "I sh*g sheep!" to which I replied, Oh, thank god for that! His mates roared!