General Chat

I am helping my partner contact his biological mother to help with medical, hereditry issues. we know her name but not sure what else to do, any hints
cheers
Sara

Well you could try the search facilities here or you could look on ancestry. What information do you have already besides her name

i know she was born in sheffield and the year. we looked up her address from his birth certificate and found a man with her surname living there but unsure whether to contact or not

It doesn't hurt to write a letter introducing yourselves. If she is interested then you will get a reply. Just be honest and let her know why you are getting in contact but be prepared it can go 50 50. You will never know if you don't give it a try.

i have seen her name on genes reunited on someones tree. i tried to message them, does it alert them by email, for she has not replied

Yes if you have pmd someone here they get a message to say they have a message on gr. Maybe they need time to think it over

How did you get to see someone's tree?

i didnt i just messaged the person whose tree his mothers name is on

Hi Sara

In what year was your partner adopted? I ask this because anyone adopted before 1975 (when there was a major law change) has to have a statutory counselling session via Social Services. This is to prepare the adoptee for the fact that they might be rejected by their birth mother as, prior to 1975, birth mothers were assured that their child would never be able to find them.

It is not a good idea to simply write a letter out of the blue, as this could cause all sorts of problems for the birth mother (eg, another family member could open the letter, etc, etc). The best thing is to contact Social Services, or an authorised adoption counselling service such as Norcap, for advice in the first instance.

Following that, you will find lots of adopted people on this site who will be happy to give you the benefit of their experience, and there are quite a lot of threads on the subject over on the Tips board.

Best wishes,
Mandy

Sorry Mandy I only gave that advice because it happened to a friend of mine who contacted their biological mother. Didn't know about the law changes

hi
its cool we have been through all the social services and counseling etc...and are trying to approach this as carefully as possible.

No need to apologise Jean, I think most people would be itching to send a letter/email if they knew the person's name. It's only if you've been in that situation yourself and realise that birth mothers didn't always tell their families about the adopted child, that you think about wording letters very carefully.

My (experienced) counsellor actually wrote my letter, and sent it from her as a friend, so that my location wouldn't give anything away either.

Sara, it's good that you have been through the counselling etc. Some people fear Social Services but it's only preparation for all eventualities really, and it is useful. Wishing you all the very best for a good reunion.

Mandy

Sara, if you need any help on this matter, please pm me. I will see if I can help...


Whirley
xx