General Chat

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:


The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice..
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

Would you believe I even had to edit this........... :-0

hysterical!!!!!

Love them :-D

Unbelievable :-D :-D :-D

:-D ;-)

Absolutely brilliant.

I used to see loads of these when my parents were involved in compiling the church newsletter - a constant source of amusement. You see some great ones on church notice baords too.

When I worked in journalism I came across some pearlers too. I remember one but dare not post it on here. It was about a sponsored walk.

so funny :-D :-D

:-D :-D :-D

I'd like to see the ones you edited out :-D

loved 'em all Bruv and forwarded them all over the world..lol

xx :-)

Seen 'em before but they are still very funny! :-D :-D

:-D :-D :-D thank you

:-D :-D :-D :-D

absolutely brilliant. :-D :-D :-D

Seen these before, but still made me laugh, thanks Mr Magoo, cheered me up no end, :-D :-D :-D

lolol

I sent a similar list to OH's brother & his wife (she's a church newsletter lady).

She was NOT amused.

:-D

Ooooooo LadyScozz does mean she's the RR'er ?............ :-0