General Chat

How good are you at Forgiveness?

Carol's thread about Tolerance.

Generally speaking I am good at forgiving, mainly because to forgive means you dont make yourself bitter by harbouring grudges. However, I dont' forget, and if someone does me and injustice, I wan't ever forget it, and although I might be friendly with that person again, I will always be very wary. Its a matter or trust. Once bitten twice shy. I don't have time for people who harbour bitter grudges and are unable to move on.

I rather like this quote: “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

I am like TW----I am always willing to forgive and I never hold a grudge. If someone has realy hurt me I will avoid that person as much as I can without making others feel uncomfortable but if that person spoke to me I wouldn't be rude and ignore them. Does that make sense??? lol C xxx

I'm pretty sure I'd forgive my family and those I love almost anything - but fortunately I haven't had to. I have forgiven friends who have let me down, not many I'm glad to say, because something is always lost. Forgiveness starts with the person being genuinely sorry, I suppose. You can't forgive someone who isn't sorry, can you? If you do forgive someone then they just do the same thing again you feel a bit of a fool, to be honest. Gwynne

I'm somewhere between Lynda and Gwynne, I suppose. I don't waste my time on forgiveness for those that aren't genuinely sorry no matter who they are. Life's too short. I can do without the words when there is no sentiment behind them. Like Lynda I would much rather spend my time with those that have no need to say sorry and agree with Gwynne that you feel a bit of a fool when you forgive someone only to have them do the same thing again. I suppose too that it would depend on the degree of hurt or anger you feel as to whether or not you overlook an upset but the same trust is never there afterwards. Mags xx

*****Ouch *****............somethings I find easy to forgive (in time maybe) but I haven't spoke to my sister for 3yrs now and this isn't the 1st time this has happened. Something further added to it this year and I really can't say if we will ever speak again. Kris just love that quote Jac

Kris, I too love the quote and think it is a good one to try and remember. Liz

I am on the whole forgiving but for me i,m afraid it would depend on what had been done i also have a very long memory and that is the truth June x

hi liz, it depends on the degree of hurt involved. a man in his 20s, with no driving licence, or insurance, who steals a car whilst three times over the drink limit, loses control, and ploughs into two adults and kills two toddlers, i can't ever forgive, and i sincerely hope he rots in hell. bullying someone to such an extent, that she has suicidal thoughts, is something else that i can't forgive. we all do things in our life that we regret, we say sorry, and hope that those we have hurt will forgive us, but as i have said, it all depends on the degree of hurt. bryan.

hello liz,im not really that forgiving,family well thats different,but im lucky to have excellent friends and have never been treated badly by them.but there again i have the uttermost respect for them and treat them as i would wish to be treated. maybe theres a moral in there somewhere,lol.x

Liz generally I am preety forgiving and will accept an apology but I cannot forgive my ex husband who has ignored all 3 of his kids birthdays and christmas for them too and changed his phone number so no contact can be made, Some very interesting answers here, Caz xxxxxxxx

I have to admit,im not that forgiving, I wish I was but i find it very hard to forgive.

Good thread!! As ever, the answer depends on a number of things. For instance, forgiving someone for something that happened to someone else is not really any of our business or concern so hypothetical situations dealing with drunk drivers or bullying don't really figure in this discussion. Also, forgiveness isn't really anything to do with the person who caused us grief being sorry, it's more to do with how WE feel about what happened. People do confuse forgiving and forgetting and do often think that forgiving is condoning. Forgiving really means - I am not going to spend any more time dwelling on that incident and I am not going to let it, in and of itself, colour how I deal with the person concerned. So, could I forgive the person who murdered my child? I certainly hope so, because if I could not, my time and attention and emotion would be so taken up with the murderer that I would not be able to give full time and attention to my other children and that would be bad for them and for me. Of course, I can't really answer that question because it has never happened, but remember the Amish families whose children were murdered? I would like to think that I could be as gracious as they were. Can I forgive the person who abused me emotionally or even the one who bullied and manipulated my children to the point of misery? I neither forgive nor don't forgive - it is what it is and we have all learned from the experience, becoming the people we are because of it. Those people are not my friends or even people I would choose to share room space with, but to my mind the opposite of love is indifference, not hate. What a waffly answer! Sorry! I love your quote though, Kris. :-)

hi felicity, if i might just say that i wasen't using hyperthetical situasions. one of the toddlers mentioned, died in my arms. the other situation i wont go into. bryan.

I'm sorry, Bryan, I phrased that badly. I really meant that situations that were hypothetical to me didn't have a place in my answer. Of course, I then went on to mention something hypothetical, shooting myself in the foot as it were! :-(

hope your foot gets better soon felicity, hyperthetically speaking of course :o) bryan.

i can forgive most of the time depending on the circunstances i will never forgive or forget the ******** who killed my niece , anyway hello PP very good thread :-) Rosex

I always feel that life is too short to bear a grudge for ever. mainly because the person who feels worse when you do is yourself. I do forgive and have in the past forgiven both two family members and a good friend (not all at once). The hurt caused does leave a scar and some of the trust goes, but the relationships have been good since the events (in one case over 20 years and the other 5 years). I do have a long memory though and will probably never forget. However, should I face anything catastrophic such as a family member being killed I really don't know how I would feel and whether I would then be able to forgive. I do so admire the Amish people who can do this. Ann Glos