General Chat

Do those of you who are step kids get on with your step parents and those who are step parents have a good relationship with your step children? Very interested in your views as both sides affect me personally, Thanks, caz xxxxx

I have a step daughter, we don't get on

Hi Caz, I 'get on' ok with my stepmother, though I don't necessarily like her. Mainly it is because my Dad wanted me to accept her as a second 'Mum' which I just could not do. Especially as she was the woman who caused my parents to break up. I didn't hold any grudges, but it took a long time for my Dad to realise I would never accept her as anything other than his wife.

Caz never got on with my step gran and neither did my mum, my aunt only visited her as there was family stuff in her house and she didnt want her sons getting it. Apparently my grandad said very soon after their wedding why had he done it. I was given the choice of whether or not she was invited to my wedding, asked mum and she didnt mind if I didnt. Cant remember what she did to me infact I think it was the lack of any feeling that did it. After my grandad died she waited til the very end of the time limit to contest a will then did it, why not do it straight away. Only thing that I remember about her was her name was Ann. Makes me sound heartless doesnt it suppose if my grandad had lived longer as I got older I might of got to like her.

i had a step father from age of about 7,i liked him whilst i was young ,hated him when i was a teenager,lots of fights ,not physical ,but he didnt like me coming home drunk ect,then when i grew up i appreciated what he had done for me,and untill he died 2 years ago we got on well,

this could be a long one had step dad from age of 12, it was a loveless upbringing from the start so having him didnt really change things just another sister to look after who popped along lol, but 28 years down the line i can say im friends with him and mum, realising things stem back further ie, its a lot easier to show love if you have been shown love in my opinion, however a break thro last week he said my' family in a conversation' and i nearly cried any way enough of that my children have a step dad who is wonderfull, youngest calls him dad. how ever our only fall outs seem to be , when his children come over the rules of the house tend to differ. what mine cant get away with his can, i pulled him up on this and i believe it to be not done on purpose, once i explained that mine would see that as favoritetism he has changed the way he acts but i agree although i love his children and he loves mine there are different types of love but we are the adults and its up to us not to show preference , with any of the children, i certainly dont like saying to my step children , to say wash up or make your beds but we have agreed when we are all together we are one family

I got on great with my step-dad and was sorry to lose him when he died. I also get on well with my step-mum and are still in touch tho my Dad has died. I had already done a bunk from home before the parents split up mind. I have found that my relationship with my step mum can be frought (sp) as I was Daddy's girl. For awhile I went out (he wanted to marry) some-one with 2 young girls and I found it HELL no matter what I did was wrong in their eyes and he would always support them. Funny as it might seem the eldest I got on fantastic with after I left and track her to this day. (Not telling Dad tho) Good luck Jac

I had my step daughter almost from a baby, then she has two brothers. Has been and always will be one of three. treated no differently from the others. In fact I get more support from her thro' my troubles than anyone else

My step sons are wonderful, both 32 and 35 now (had since they were 8 and 11), they both call me mum as their mum never kept contact with them. Had problems when they were younger due mainly to lack of contact with their mother, they tracked her down and visited her once and have never been back since! Wouldn't change them for the world!! Between them we have 8 grandchildren (4 children each!) and they are step-parents too, one to 3 boys and the other to 1 boy 1 girl, doing a good job too! The grandchildren think of me as their Nan which is nice, they have never been told to call me any different and I treat them all the same. They are my family.... Nanna-Moo ;-)))

Thankyou all, i am looking at replies again, for me the step family journey has been painful and in many ways has not worked, good to hear your experiences and would like to talk by PM if possible, Thanks, caz xxxxxxxx

caz, i may be 43 now, but my step dad David, came into my life when i was 3. He wed my mum when i was 10, but asked my permission......i helped pick my mums engagement ring. He has been, my hero, my alibi lol, my everything, as far as we are concerned, he is my dad, i am his daughter, i adore him and him me. xx

Caz I think wherever there are step parents there are going to be problems but it depends on the attitude of the step parent to whether the relationship will work. I had a wonderful step mother but thought of her as my dads wife not a step mum as my mum is my mum. She never put herself first ahead of me or my siblings we were our dads children, and she always encouraged my dad to spend as much time with us as he could. even when they had my little brother we were all treated equally - something i will always be thankfull for as the horror stories i have heard and seen because stepmums expect the older children to lose out over their own children. When you become the step parent to a child the worst thing you could ever do is expect that child to have anything different to your own child be it love, hugs,understanding,holidays, education, in fact you should treat them as if they were your own as much as you can.

Adding to my last post...I will say in my step mums favour, she has never laughed at me because I didn't achieve as much as her own children. She has supported me in my decisions though.

My friend has a step mum that puts her own kids needs above hers and also sneers at her every achievement.Indeed once she started full time work the step mum even threw a party as it meant they were no longer responsible for her financial well being. The blow to my friends self esteem was devastating. I hope this step parent is in the minority. I know most are fantastically supportive of their step kids. I liken this step mothers behaviour towards step children as a form of bullying really as there is never an excuse for this sort of behaviour in my opinion. Surely people that start up with a man/woman who has already had kids should understand their partners responsibility towards them?

Muffy how awful for your friend ......

I never liked my step mother, the feeling was mutual. I even stopped having any contact with my father. just over 3 years ago she died and I now have a very good relationship with my dad. My step father, on the other hand, was fantastic. He was always my son's 'Grandad'. Regrettably we didn't see much of him after my mum died and he eventually met someone else, but we always talked on the phone. He died 18 months ago and I do miss him. Kim

I had a chat with my step sister on this as when my Dad and her Mum got together she was a baby. She says that never once did she feel any different to her grown up 'sisters 'in my Dads eyes., and although she never called him Dad (her Dad is alive) it was him she thought of when talk turned to parents. Good or bad has to be in the attitude of the people. PM me if you want to chat at all. Jacqui

I don't have any step children, but daughter is a step child. I got together with hubby when she was four mths old. Until she was two and i discovered i was pregnant, she called my partner ( as he was then) by his name. And her real dad was daddy, realising we'd have a problem when the twins arrived .We started encouraging her to called partner daddy followed by his name. Worked well. But she slowly dropped his name and he became daddy. She is now 14 and my husband is her dad, the one she runs to when she;s hurt, parents eve, taxi service or simply wants someone on her side against me. Her real dad is now known by his real name. Is she treated different?? not by me obviously, but hubby does tend to be softer on her, than the boys... might be boy/girl thing. His mum also tends to over compensate. On the other hand ex's mum treats my three boys the same as her grand daughter, so none of the kids miss out really. One thing I will say is Daughter can talk to hubby, more than she can me at times!! After sex education lesson, it was him she chose to discuss the subject with

hankyou all, I will Pm as it is a subject I would like some advice and help with, Many thanks for taking the time to reply, Caz xxxxx

I had a stepmother who was the most selfish, self-centred person one could imagine. I have two step-children and have always had a good relationship with both of them.........partly, I think, because I came into their lives five years after their parents divorced, so was in no way involved in the marriage break-up. Another factor is our relative ages........they are only a few years younger than me. Reg