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No need for sorry Michael I agree!! :-D :-D
About time he grow a pair ..but if I say he shouldnt marry her there will be more problems
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Sounds to me like your son is a bit of a wimp "sorry" and the futer with his wife to be looks very grim.
It will be very hard for you but you need to heed the advise of your other children, in my view they are perfectly right in what they say .
good luck
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What you have to remember Kemp is that the youngsters today have very different priorities to ours. Also they all seem to think it will be "alright on the night" regardless of how much they tell other people of their plans.
You are supposed to just know.
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Off out alday today Thanks for the posts it is a help
See you all later
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Morning all
My son isnt allowed (we think) to live with his girlfriend coz their family is catholic so will have to wait till after the wedding ...which I,m upset about but a house is being looked for now! they have the money deposit and are looking
I cant understand why the girlfriend seems to think my son should stay at his house alone the night before the wedding ..they are both 25
I guess I,m a bit cross for my daughter as she is bridesmaid and its the week of exams and she travelled 2 hours home last week to meet with the bride and us on friday evening to "chat" wedding and they went out! she is now back at uni in the labs doing pre-exam work which she knows will be the same next year until May when dates are given for Lab work exams and paper exams
Also another friend of my eldest son is getting married two weeks after my son and my other DIL is brides maid and she has her dress !
My son use to chat about the wedding saying he wanted a Hugo Boss jacket !!!! ect ect but he has stopped and its not even brought up....not sure hes intrested if I,m truthful seems its the step he needs to take to live with her!
So Sylvia its a house and wedding in a year with no extra money allowed for washing machine cooker ect ect needed for a new house ...also a worry
Prehaps not a worry but prehaps the wedding could hold off for a few months till they have the house and their finances sort for the house
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We had two weddings in six months in 2009.
Son got engaged in the April, the year before. Our daughter in law is lovely, her Mum is on her own and she has four sisters who were the bridesmaids.
They wanted a very low key wedding as her Mum couldn't afford much. The service was in a local church and they had the reception in a Tithe barn in the village.
They had a cream tea, well it was in Somerset ! But her Mum's funds didn't stretch to an evening do so we offered to pay for that and had a hog roast and a Worzles tribute band, my Dad put some money behind the bar, it was a glorious hot late May day and everyone had a whale of a time dancing and playing cricket and skittles in the garden.
The bridesmaids dresses were green and bought by the bride. She asked me to wear a similar colour, which I did, not normally one I go for. In the end her mum wore pink !! That was ok though as the flowers were all pink. It was a lovely laid back do.
The only thing that went wrong was that my youngest son missed his train up from Exeter where he was at Uni, on the Friday so my husband had to leave the pre wedding dinner to go and pick him up. Then he was in a panic all weekend as his finals were the next week.
My daughter got engaged six months after her brother and started arranging things virtually straight away. The venue was booked by late November for the next December and save the date cards went out with Christmas cards.
Being a bit of a control freak she did almost all the arrangements herself but always involved us. She didn't want a church wedding so booked an all in one venue, another barn locally.
Being near Christmas she wanted red as her colour and wanted me to wear red, problem was every dress I tried on just made me look like an old fat bridesmaid. She bought all the bridesmaid dresses, I was a bit shocked to find on the day that my son in laws mother was wearing the same dress as me but in a different colour, especially as I had shown it to her when I bought it !!!!
Daughter found the dress she wanted, problem was it cost £4,500, we found one on eBay, drove a few miles down to Exeter to pick it up, she had it altered and it cost £800.
We paid for everything, in laws didn't even buy us a drink.
It snowed so much the day before we almost had to cancel but all but four guests made it to the wilds of Exmoor in the end.
Don't worry Kemp, they have done the worst of the arrangements, perhaps as the date gets nearer you could all try to get out for a meal together again. How about offering to put some money over the bar for drinks ? A lot of venues start charging in the evening after the reception meal.
They probably just need to calm down and get used to the idea and in a few months will be more open minded about things and ready for a second burst of activity.
Hayley.
<3
M. :-)
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Kemp ......................
you're not really being left out
The groom's parents have little to do for or at the wedding ......... except to turn up.
Yes, your daughter should be told more ................. out of plain courtesy as she is a member of the immediate bridal party.
My daughter got married almost 15 years ago.
His parents were hardly consulted, and were NOT asked to contribute anything to the cost of the wedding.
They do live on the opposite side of this huge country that I live in ................. almost 6,000 km away, so we could hardly "pop over" to see them :-)
Our daughter organised the whole wedding ...................... even I did very little.
I think her fiance was kept informed! By that time, he was back over on the other side of the country, at another university
She contributed to the wedding .............. slightly less than 50% of the cost ....... that was her long-held desire.
She was in her last year at university, and not earning any money, so to do that, she used the proceeds from a small insurance policy that we'd taken out when she was born and that paid out on her 21st birthday. At that point she had taken advice from the agent and invested it at quite a high return "until needed". 4 years of interest produced a nice little nest egg.
Her fiance insisted on having approximately 50% of that money to pay for the honeymoon .................. he wanted "a honeymoon to remember" and didn't have any money to pay for it.
THAT upset us, and her.
They got engaged in October, and married in the following June.
No keep the date cards were sent ................ they're superfluous unless the date is far ahead!
The wedding invitations went out in February .................... a little delayed because the groom's parents wouldn't give us the names of relatives / friends to invite.
Their logic was "we've told them about the wedding, they've all said that they can't come. We're holding a dinner dance over here later in the year. So there is no need to send an invitation, and no need to give you their names".
We're talking about around 25 or 20 invitations here ! The father was one of 9 children!
His parents did not come to the wedding rehearsal ................. they were on this side, but took off for a few days "sightseeing".
They did host something that is traditional on this side of the Atlantic .............. the Rehearsal Dinner.
Traditionally that is paid for by the groom's parents, and can be held after the wedding rehearsal or on another night. It provides a means by which the members of the 2 families and the bridal party can meet and socialize.
The newly-weds went on their honeymoon, came back and packed up daughter's belongings, and then drove across Canada to start their life over on the other coast.
In September, his parents held a dinner dance for all the relatives and friends who had not attended. They invited us, and we went ....... paying our own airfare but staying with them.
There were over 90 people there.
They paid the whole cost of that, as it was their desire to do it.
S-i-l had had the bright idea of asking us to share the cost .................. but luckily told his father what he was thinking of doing, and was told very firmly to keep his nose out!
s-i-l thinks we are money bags, and has several times over the last 15 years asked us to fund some bright idea of his ............................ we don't have that kind of money!
Kemp ............. you don't say how old your son and the girl are, nor whether they're living together, or are still at home.
It seems to me that most couples getting married theses days are paying their own way!
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Daughter number 1 was living with her fiance and his 2 children, his mother took complete control of their wedding and we were barely involved, we offered, but it was rejected so we let her get on with it.. We did insist on buying the 2 bridesmaid dresses as they were for our 2 other daughters.
Daughter number 2 was living with her fiance and they took themselves off to the Registry Office with 2 friends of theirs and tied the knot ........just as they always said they would.
Daughter number 3 was living with her fiance, they arranged and paid for the entire wedding themselves, apart from us buying the bridesmaid dress for our youngest daughter.
All 3 daughters are happily married, have 5 children between them and we all get along just fine the vast majority of the time.
So, my advice is not to get fixated on that one day in their lives, be supportive before, during and after the wedding day and all will be well
:-) :-)
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Traditionally the bride's father pays all apart from the flowers, rings, church fees (bellringers etc) groom's car to church and bridal party cars from church to venue which the groom pays (am working from memory nearly 30 yrs ago so bear with me).
Well surely the groom would prefer to be with his own family - she will be with hers.
One year before the church was booked first, then the venue, then the dress.
Our sil's mother is a widow and she told me just a week or two before wedding that a friend of hers informed that she would probably receive an invite and that would be it.
However she was able to reply I had kept her informed all the way and discussed various items with her.
I find it strange the behaviour of the bride - perhaps her mother does not know of your daughter's exams - your son should speak up - it will be his last chance by the sound of it.
The above was typed hours ago only I forgot to press the send button and left the pc!
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Dawn will be looking at vouchers Thank you xx
Ann I would love to have made them!!!
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Grandson's wedding is really on a budget and guests kept to about 30 close family. We are fortunate though as with him and his fiance,the same as his elder brother, we are kept fully in the picture.
Daughter made the invitation cards which went out last month, no save the date cards, although his brother had them, the first we had seen. :-)
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Oh and as for my outfit when they got engaged I hunted round and got vouchers cheap and will be off to John Lewis with her to get my outfit which will help as cant afford that and new suit for hubby and laddo on what we have coming in now. Only trouble is outfits I keep liking are too similar colour to bridesmaids lol
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Kemp
I hadnt even heard of Save the Date cards til starting to sort Lissys wedding we havent bothered if people cant come means less to pay for sounds heartless but we cant afford the whole family and have had to say where the line is drawn.
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There maybe a reason for their refusal of cash-------
Your son possibly knows your financial situation that 100s cant be plucked out of thin air.
Mums of brides are in a different position to grooms mums,,,,,brides turn to mothers mostly,,,,,,,,,when your daughter gets married you will be at the centre of it all and she may just want to plan her own day and not have interference from anyone,,,,,,!
we all throw a wobble over something --I did and feel justified for doing so,,,,,,
Oh Hayley,,,,so well remembered,,,,, :-D :-D :-D :-D.
BUy your outfit to fit your means,,,,,,,,so many wondeful worn once MOB outfits end up in charity shops and they must have cost loads,,,,,,,,mine went to charity last year and spent well over £600,,,,hat ,shoes and outfit,,,,,,,,sold in charity shop for,,,,,,,£25.........!!!
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Thank you Hayley and mersey
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Kemp I really do hope things ease for you and I totally agree with Paula and Hayley....... <3
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Got to agree with Paula and say just enjoy the day for your son's sake ....even through gritted teeth :-D
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Thank you Paula again another horrible story and all so true that it comes down to feelings ....
The thing that is odd is that "they " mention it we think we are about to be involved then we fall flat on our faces ! I remembered they asked my daughter and I to go to a wedding fair which was just after christmas ... we said that would be lovely just tell us the date and we will meet or come with you !! It never happened
I feel bad for my daughter who now knows she has uni exams that week !!! and ment to be bridesmaid....Thats IF she hasnt get an exam that day! :-(
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I went through exactly the same with my sons ex wife and her Mother. As soon as the weddings was mentioned, my husband and I were surplus to requirements and were excluded from all arrangements. The reception was selected and booked without any discussion or involvement. All of the Bridesmaids dresses pageboy suits were designer made and I almost chocked when I found out the price of just one of the children's dresses., I was not asked to go along for any of the fittings. I asked so many times what her colour Mother was wearing as I was aware that the brides Mother takes precedence over style and colour, I was never told.
A white vintage Rolls Royce for bride and groom, her parents, a white Rolls for me and hubby.
One week before the wedding my son and his ex, with all of the bridesmaids, best man, ushers and her parents attended the rehearsal at the church which was at the bottom of our street. We were not invited.
This wedding was twelve years ago, and cost in excess of £18,000 we paid for all most all of it. Her parents took complete control, people said it's the Brides Day. He is my only child, she is also an only child, so one would have thought that her Mother would have had some regard to our feelings.
When we all arrived at the reception venue, there was a brand new sports car with just married balloons waiting for his new bride.
As an aside, we also gave them the deposit for their first home.
Finally, they are no longer married. I think it is cruel and heartless to exclude the Grooms parents.
Good luck, try not to let it bother you, just enjoy the day when it comes for your sons sake.
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