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Bad childhood jokes

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ProfilePosted byOptionsPost Date

Dermot

Dermot Report 31 Aug 2019 07:02

I used stripy toothpaste this morning. Now I've got striped teeth.

Allan

Allan Report 31 Aug 2019 22:11

Very strange, I’ve just opened a tin of evaporated milk and it’s still there.

Dermot

Dermot Report 1 Sep 2019 07:19

What's the difference between a businessman & a warm dog?

The businessman wears a suit, the dog just pants.

David

David Report 3 Sep 2019 06:12


Minnie Mouse goes into a musical instrument shop and asks for a Mouse organ.

I've just sold the last one to another the purveyor replies.

That would have been Ar Monica says Minnie.

Dermot

Dermot Report 3 Sep 2019 07:34

When dog food is advertised as new & it tastes better, who tested it?

Allan

Allan Report 3 Sep 2019 12:08

I was asked what I knew about Galileo.

I said he was just a poor boy from a poor family .

Dermot

Dermot Report 3 Sep 2019 12:17

A vest is something a young boy wears when his mother feels cold.

Allan

Allan Report 7 Sep 2019 21:46

My nickname at school was Scarface.

I was very good at knitting.

Dermot

Dermot Report 8 Sep 2019 06:10

Why did the dachshund bite the woman's ankle?

It couldn't reach any higher.

Bobtanian

Bobtanian Report 8 Sep 2019 11:19

was eating my breakfast this morning and it crossed my mind,

what with low sugar low salt my shredded wheat still tasted like dried grass....

Dermot

Dermot Report 8 Sep 2019 13:43

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Caroline

Caroline Report 8 Sep 2019 13:58

I'm buying a hat with appreciated written on it...just in case anyone didn't know I was under-appreciated.

Dermot

Dermot Report 8 Sep 2019 17:54

The service is so bad at our local shops that many start early to queue for Christmas cards & end up buying Easter eggs.

Allan

Allan Report 8 Sep 2019 21:33

I paid a carpenter upfront to make me a double bed and the so and so has gone and done a bunk !!!




Tabitha

Tabitha Report 11 Sep 2019 13:03

Mummy mummy what's a Vampire

Shut up and eat your soup before it congeals

Dermot

Dermot Report 11 Sep 2019 13:17

Two sheep are talking in the field.

"Baaaaaa", said the first one.

"Damn" said the second. "I was going to say that"!

Allan

Allan Report 11 Sep 2019 22:06

Somebody close to me died the other day.

Luckily the bus was empty so I just moved to another seat.

Dermot

Dermot Report 12 Sep 2019 07:21

I made so much money betting on Boris winning the PM vacancy that I can now afford to become a Conservative.

Tawny

Tawny Report 28 Sep 2019 19:20

What kind of key doesn’t fit any lock?

A Monkey

Allan

Allan Report 28 Sep 2019 22:27

I’ve got rid of my Dusty Springfield record collection and now I just don’t know what to do with my shelf.