General Chat

Laddo has had his tv removed from his room today because he wouldnt get ready to go out had a strop cos hubby was coming as well. Have asked for 3 days for room to be tidied and nothing, goes and does it when we get back today. Just been up there and all he has done is push bits under the bed. I have gone mad and now hubby is up there sorting it out have found 20 odd socks(dirty) round his room 4 t shirts, trousers, new trousers just thrown under bed, cochineal sprayed all over his ceiling and walls which havent long been decorated. I say throw something out and he starts crying cos he wants it the fact that the rollerblades are 2 sizes too small doesnt seem to matter. Have now spent 20 minutes trying to get him to start his homework and this morning when he wouldnt go out to car I pulled him out the house and down the path. He is making life a misery but cant see it feel like not bothering anymore hes only 10 so I have years of this still ahead thats if we manage to keep going that long.

Just bookmarking this thread so I can look back at the ideas! My eldest is 8 & slipping that way already he wears 12-13 clothes though so not easy to man handle!! Penny

Ignore him! And by that I mean don't talk to him. Say that you are upset and disappointed with him and until he can be nice, help you etc. you don't want to talk. Worked wonders with my 2 and I only ever did it once with my daughter as it really got to her - now I sound wicked! Jacky :-)

Oh I remember the feeling well .lol I used to tear my hair out at them. They say the best thing to do is shut the door and ignore it. If things arent in for washing...they dont get washed etc. Then they put them all in a the one time,including clean things you have allready washed and ironed. you cant win. I thought when mine had girlfriends it might change.. but it was still a tip. They just climbed over the stuff. Not much help to you but at least you know you are not alone. There are a lot of us who have been there done that and worn the T shirt lol Marion

Removing his TV is good. Remove other privileges too if he is still as bad. explain why you are doing it, explain he is only one in a family of 5 and he has to pull his weight. Give him a box, bin or bag hung on his door to put his dirty clothes in. Why cochineal on the walls? Where did he get it from? Get him to help clean it/repaint it. He is the middle one isn't he Dawnie? Maybe he is starting to feel that tiddler gets too much attention, now she is no longer a baby he may resent it, or that Liss gets too many privileges for being older. Find something to praise him for, even if it stretches you imagination to the limit, there must be something. If you can get him in a good mood ask him why he has been acting up. Why didn't he want his dad to go our with you? Because he can't play up if he is there? Finally take time out, shut yourself in your room with a book and ignore him for an hour. ann glos

No food, drinks or friends in...till it is tidy.

Dawn I sympathise! But, can I say, you have started a battle of wills here and it's anyone's guess who will win, lol. Withdraw from the battle. Tell him nicely that you expect him to put his dirty clothes in the (wherever) and that if he doesn't, he will eventually run out of clean clothes to wear. You will need to be strong for this because he will then wear his filthy clothes, lol. At that point, you say to him, again nicely, that you will have a word with his teacher, to explain why he is wearing dirty clothes, as you wouldn't like the school to think that he is parading YOUR standards - wearing dirty clothes are HIS standards. Let him turn his room into a pigsty. But tell him that while it is like that, no-one else is allowed in there, not family members, not friends etc.(You can do a surreptitious sweep for mouldering food, etc, lol) It is the old 'actions have consequences' thing. Try to trade him something - if you come to the shops with us without making a fuss, you can play on the computer when we get home' or whatever. I don't mean bribery, I mean, you do something for me and I will do something for you. I know what you are going through - my eldest daughter was like this, every breath she took started a battle. I now realise I joined her in her game and should really have just let it all go over my head. Not easy. Take comfort - my daughter is now a grown woman, my best friend and she is Housewife of the Year, lol. OC

Good advice from Jacky, it worked with all five of my children. Work on his conscience, it has amazing results. Be firm but fair. Good luck. Tina x

DAWN THIS IS TRUE.ASK DAUGHTER NOW 37 AND SON 34 I HAD SAME PROBLEMS ONE DAY WHILE THAY WERE AT SCHOOL I PUT EVERYTHING AND I MEAN EVERYTHING IN BLACK SACKS AND PUT THEM IN THE DUSTBIN WHEN THEY CAME HOME THEY THOUGHT IT SO FUNNY TOLD THEM BIJNS EMPTIED NEXT DAY THEY THOUGHT I'D GET EVERY THING OUT,BUT BY TEN pm THEY REALISED I WASNT PLAYING THEY GOT THEM OUT I STOOD ON LANDING WATCHING AS I REFUSED TO LET THEM TAKE THE BAGS IN THE BEDROOMS TOOK AN HOUR SO GRUMPY KIDS NEXT DAY BUT WORTH IT.BECAUSE THEY NEVER DID IT AGAIN

Hi Dawn, I used to fine my son 50p for every item of clothing left on the floor. He wasn't allowed to watch TV or play PC games until his homework was done. Gwynne

dawn i have the same, i have people coming to stay soon , so will have to do it, but apart from that i tell him to keep his door shut sa i cant be doing with the agro and the battle all the time

Oh dear and I thought it only happened in our house 11 year old son - just got himself grounded and banned from the laptop, took the sky out of his room and told him that unless he does his homework and learns to talk to us in a better manner things are going to get harder for him..................... And all because we got another letter this morning from school about bad behaviour and when we ask him why he blames the school and says the teachers hate him................. Have now said to OH we need to stand together on this and if a ban on TV and laptop is out in place we must stick to it Joanne ps - I found odd socks and t-shirts under his bed and dirty clothes are just left at the side of his bed too

I have a 16yr old son and 18 yr old daughter. Their bedrooms can get horrifically a mess. Son has lost his power of speech (as teenage boys do) Daughter is into facial piercings. But..I think I must be a bit liberal cos it doesn't bother me one bit (hoping they grow out of it lol) Son is doing awsome at school and daughter is now a qualified hairdresser. Swings and roundabouts for me really Sue xx

So I am not the only wicked mum! Jacky :-))

Don't despair Dawn - my older daughter was so difficult as a teenager that her behaviour disrupted the entire family and made me ill. Every day was a struggle from beginning to end. She used to scream, shout, throw furniture and I lost count of the number of times she broke the glass in the front door through slamming it! She gradually got better as she got older and is OK now (she's 23) although we have to be a bit careful - the slightest thing can set her off. Our problem was that I tried to set firm boundaries and then THE EVIL EX would contradict me, so you and your hubby must be consistent - it's like dog training but they talk back! Make the rules, keep to the rules and he'll soon find it easier to comply than to fight them. Mind you I never cleaned bedrooms after they were old enough to do it themselves. Daughter #2 does all her own washing, ironing and cleaning her room (she's 18). I never go in there. Much simpler. She soon brings the cereals bowls down when she realises we've run out! Deep breaths Sheila

hi dawn, i agree completely with jacky. good luck matey. bryan.

Might reverse psychology work e.g. I don't want to go out with the family - Fine, you can stay in the dark damp attic all day Don't want to get dress for school - Ok, go naked then I'm not hungrey - Dinners in the oven when your ready / You can have it for brakefast tomorrow Don't have homework tonight - oh good you can wash the clothes / dishes (just don't give him the best china) Don't want to tidy up - ok, you can do some homework. Mum use to let us stew when we gor stubbon, dinner would be left for the next meal and now snaks/ dessert were alloud untill the plate was empty. Mum also refused to wash anything that was not put to wash (baskets on our rooms and bathroom for laudry or put in front of the machine) I also remember mum removing the fuse from the fuse box that fed the bedrooms so that the TV's and computers and sound systems wouldn't work and we got sent to bed. We went without pocket money, treats and after school activities for weeks if we misbehaved (no fun, no friends - sad kids) Dawnie, be strong. If you and OH show a united front, you can brake laddo, it may take a little time but I know you can do it. ((((xxx)))) oh forgot to say - Positive reinforcement - Praise him for being good and doing as he's tols, ignore the bad side.

sheila, I liked that one 'it's like dog training only they talk back' Ann Glos

Me again son age 11,went through the i'm not having a bath so i pick him up am throw him in the bathwater with all his clothes and shoes on then throw him bar of soap

Thank you folks Havent relented on TV and he asked to watch his DVD down here or on computer so that was a no, no point in one punishment if he can just change room to do it. He did dust and polish where I asked him to so that was a plus asked him to lay table for dinner and got why is it always me my reply was well we tidied your room for you so in return you can lay table, I got a look but he did do it and even sorted out the plates and glasses for it as well. Will be small steps on this one I think. As for Cochineal on ceiling he got that out of my cupboard and was doing experiments with it his hands have been bright red from it this week and my white towels in bathroom were red as well. Havent told him that I have set the alarms on two of his clocks in his room will see what a surprise he gets in the morning mind you if the past is anything to go by he wont hear them. d xx