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Thank you all
Island you didnt reply
You may be right that the brides mother is doing it ..very possible
as for bridesmaids ect and grooms suits
They had been sorted then it all stopped and now not a word is being said
Kay??? this is a wedding package which says one of each and the bride and groom chose for everyone which seems odd to me!
Wisechild Thats horrible OMG ....did you go? heart breaking
Maggie I did think of doing that and may think about it some more before jumping
NOW the biggest issue is we are finding our own money situation difficult at the moment and keep saying we would like to know the plan so we can plan.......daughter at uni ....summer coming and she needs help with uni funds. Mine and my hubbies 50th this year would like to celebrate in some way and one son out of work at the mo he isnt bothered hes got savings! LOL he never was a worrier
I spoke to the venue and yes the meal is set and any alterations will need to be cleared with brides mother!!!! and booked for 80 people in day but we were told (lo9l) they had 60 to invite !!
Oh well I hope I can find out soon so I can save looking for outfit
Now divorced parents ...we are not! My sons father died 2 years ago and I,ve been told .....****** would love this by the bride ...I know my sons father 30 yaesr and he would be mortified to see where the reception is he would have wanted better which dont help my heart strings
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Well I'm most awfully sorry Kemp but a) my internet keeps cutting out and b) I had to go out. Life happens!!!
In answer to your question - Because it is her wedding. Not yours. Not her mothers.
It sounds as if this young lady is being pulled in both directions.
I knew someone called the wedding off because of the demands of both mothers. The couple got married at a later dater.
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There's also another view.
When my daughters got married - I did absolutely nothing!
They (and their fiancé's) organised it all, in their own time. I had no money to give them - and they knew this. I know younger daughter's MiL made the cake (I don't bake) - which her fiancé decorated (A castle with lego men :-D )
They had co-ordinated bridesmaids outfits, but a mother of the bride, no dictat was given on what colour I wore. Brides father, in both cases paid for the booze - he offered, no-one asked.
Maybe they want to do it themselves, in their own time, and she's slightly concerned that you're pushing them :-(
It's still a long way off, relax......
Actually, If I'd done as I've suggested you do, and written (in this case) to the grooms parents, I'd have received an 'I don't know either' response :-D
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Thank you Island for your reply
Would just be nice in this ecconomic climet and the fact that its my son to know whats happening but I will bear this in mind when they ask me again for my money ..
Yes people it has been done and I guess my refusual to tell tham how much I will give them is not helpping but I did offer to pay for the "save the date cards and invites" but that was turned down it was followed by my girlfriend would rather know how much you can give us ....so I meeting and meal was set for friday just gone and my son and girl turned up dressed up went out and returned after midnite and then went home to her house saturday morning
I told my son I thought "save the date cards" went out one year before the date which is coming up so I said I will pay for them now then if you know what you want ( that was last weekend) hence the meeting for friday just gone
Which is the reason for me asking you peeps here
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Well it appears the bride mother is footing the bill for the wedding meal.....it only needs 1 to organise the numbers,that way there will be no confusion in getting it right.
the only thing grooms mother needs do is -not turn up dressed like the brides mother,,,,, :-D.....remember the brides mother should be first to choose what colour she will be having.
Young people seem not to panic and take it all in their stride,,,its not about fancy places and posh frocks its a day to rally round and make the best for the couple,dont fight the situation as its not your day,you are just a guest, ;-).......
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The thing is kemp in my opinion you will be dammed if you do or dont say anything.
I have been through exactly the same thing when my own son got married, my 1st born my eldest child.
I was not involved in anything at all, I asked about the wedding plans I showed an interest. we did contrubte financially. One day my DIL turned up to take my daughter for her last fitting for her bridesmaid dress I asked if I could go and see the dresses I was no there is nothing to see. I respected that.
One night before the wedding all the brides talked endlessly about the details including the dresses so it wasnt that much of top secret.
The bride never once spoke to any of us on the day of the wedding. I kept my mouth shut because it was her day and I didnt want to offend my son I will never be able to explain how hurt I was that day, and now 4 years on I never seen or spoken to the bride or any of family.
I still kept quiet as I love my son with all my heart and never want to upset him but he must know how hurt I was I say was because I am so over it now. I still buy birthday and christmas presents for my DIL.
I do hope you family wedding has a much better happy ending Kemp I really do.
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The bride has her dress brought on the internet ...it dont fit but she will make it ....my son said ...
My daughter is bridesmaid with 3 others and a pageboy her dress to will be internet
Good grief Hayley my other 3 kids are saying the same will happen to us ...
My son says they want all the main men in the same suits but that will be fun as the one they are looking at dont come in very thin, thin and fat and very tall.........Infact my other son went to the shop they have indicated they will use and they dont do my skinny sons size hes to skinny ... :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D
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It was a well devised plan to keep me and our family firmly away from the wedding it was obvious to everyone that she didnt want us there, even her Mother looked embarrassed at one point. ..............oh and the offical wedding photos :-D I got to see on facebook after her family had had their pick.
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Hayley Thats horrible and I do feel for you
Many Thanks for replys I will sit and wait and see what happens next .......the worry is that 6 months before the wedding is christmas and I,m not diverting my other childrens christmas money to one childs wedding :-D :-D.....which was my eldest sons only worry LOL PMSL.......
And Good Luck to others going through this situation aswel
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No Kemp, we didn´t go. She knew we wouldn´t be able to because we live abroad. That´s why I was so hurt when she actually said we weren´t invited, because she knew there would be no problem.
She promised to send photos. That was a year last September. Still waiting.
My advice would be, don´t rock the boat. Just wait & see what happens. I know it´s hard, but there´s no point in laying yourself open to being hurt any more. These things escalate out of hand before you have even opened your mouth.
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Thank you Wisechild,There are no words I can say to mend your hurt and I,m gobsmackeds at the outcome for you :-(
weddings dont bring out the best in people does it! :-\
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Just one extra thought - have you had a chance to meet the Bride's parents yet? If the mother is making all the arrangements, it would give her a chance to tell you, and hopefully keep you in the loop.
Although you don't really need to discuss it with your son, airing the idea with him would be a good idea.
Our son is getting married in July - they are doing most of the arranging, with financial contributions from both sets of parents. They sent out 'save the day' cards sometime last summer.
We met the brides parents for the first time in February - apart from both agreeing that we don't 'do' hats, I've no idea what she is wearing and haven't even started to look for an outfit for myself. The accent colour is Teal, so goodness knows what goes with that.
As parents of the Groom, we know our place...being supportive from the background. Luckily our son does keep us informed even if what he tells us it does mean some biting of tongues! It's their day after all.
I do hope that you can get things sorted out Kemp - from a financial aspect, try to work out what you can afford to give them and when, telling them so that they can plan accordingly.
From a guest list point of view, I'd draw up a minimal list of 'must invites' from your side of the family such as grandparents or your siblings, together with 'if there is space' names of people you would like to attend - nephews/nieces/one or 2 of your close friends or cousins. You'll probably find that most guests are friends of the bride & groom. Bear in mind that many weddings have a no young children policy. Discuss your requests with your son (he might loathe Uncle Jim) then send it to the mother of the bride.
Everything does tend to grind to a halt after the initial burst of activity - cake ordered or at least some idea of what they want, venue booked, reception booked and dresses arranged. Things start to move again a few months before the event - firming up names, numbers and dietary requests, choosing flowers and then paying the balance of the bills.
Just chill out and go with the flow ;-)
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Yes we have met with her parents and the mother of the bride asked me to make the bridesmaid dresses I said no as I dont want to put myself under that pressure and the material is difficult to work with but this wasnt accepted very well and she muttered any old excuse! woops 1st mistake .....My work dictates I,m away from home from feb through to april each year as the company the parents work for moves to USA each year at this time so I child/house sit! I didnt feel I could fit them in and do good enough dress making for my sons wedding
Yes I tried to do "save the date cards" last weekend that resulted in nothing!
Will step back and wait and see
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I went through exactly the same with my sons ex wife and her Mother. As soon as the weddings was mentioned, my husband and I were surplus to requirements and were excluded from all arrangements. The reception was selected and booked without any discussion or involvement. All of the Bridesmaids dresses pageboy suits were designer made and I almost chocked when I found out the price of just one of the children's dresses., I was not asked to go along for any of the fittings. I asked so many times what her colour Mother was wearing as I was aware that the brides Mother takes precedence over style and colour, I was never told.
A white vintage Rolls Royce for bride and groom, her parents, a white Rolls for me and hubby.
One week before the wedding my son and his ex, with all of the bridesmaids, best man, ushers and her parents attended the rehearsal at the church which was at the bottom of our street. We were not invited.
This wedding was twelve years ago, and cost in excess of £18,000 we paid for all most all of it. Her parents took complete control, people said it's the Brides Day. He is my only child, she is also an only child, so one would have thought that her Mother would have had some regard to our feelings.
When we all arrived at the reception venue, there was a brand new sports car with just married balloons waiting for his new bride.
As an aside, we also gave them the deposit for their first home.
Finally, they are no longer married. I think it is cruel and heartless to exclude the Grooms parents.
Good luck, try not to let it bother you, just enjoy the day when it comes for your sons sake.
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Thank you Paula again another horrible story and all so true that it comes down to feelings ....
The thing that is odd is that "they " mention it we think we are about to be involved then we fall flat on our faces ! I remembered they asked my daughter and I to go to a wedding fair which was just after christmas ... we said that would be lovely just tell us the date and we will meet or come with you !! It never happened
I feel bad for my daughter who now knows she has uni exams that week !!! and ment to be bridesmaid....Thats IF she hasnt get an exam that day! :-(
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Got to agree with Paula and say just enjoy the day for your son's sake ....even through gritted teeth :-D
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Kemp I really do hope things ease for you and I totally agree with Paula and Hayley....... <3
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Thank you Hayley and mersey
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There maybe a reason for their refusal of cash-------
Your son possibly knows your financial situation that 100s cant be plucked out of thin air.
Mums of brides are in a different position to grooms mums,,,,,brides turn to mothers mostly,,,,,,,,,when your daughter gets married you will be at the centre of it all and she may just want to plan her own day and not have interference from anyone,,,,,,!
we all throw a wobble over something --I did and feel justified for doing so,,,,,,
Oh Hayley,,,,so well remembered,,,,, :-D :-D :-D :-D.
BUy your outfit to fit your means,,,,,,,,so many wondeful worn once MOB outfits end up in charity shops and they must have cost loads,,,,,,,,mine went to charity last year and spent well over £600,,,,hat ,shoes and outfit,,,,,,,,sold in charity shop for,,,,,,,£25.........!!!
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Kemp
I hadnt even heard of Save the Date cards til starting to sort Lissys wedding we havent bothered if people cant come means less to pay for sounds heartless but we cant afford the whole family and have had to say where the line is drawn.
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