Find Ancestors

Toots

I use Mozilla Firefox for FB, and several other sites


............. ie, the ones that hate IE6



I refuse to upgrade as I like IE6, and have heard horror stories about IE7 and 8


s
xx

like it, JC!


both the joke, and your mum's neighbour

Just thought would add to JC's research

Why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did NOT cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before he goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupidly he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe that there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to tell me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of moulting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

R

roflol!

It come to everyone sooner or later

RECENTLY, I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH A. A . A . D . D . - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests itself:

I decided to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I looked over at my car and decided my car needs washing.

As I started toward the garage, I noticed that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the
garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find a can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye-- they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. Then I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belong s , but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spilled on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill, then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
----the car isn't washed,
----the bills aren't paid,
----there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
----the flowers don't have enough water,
----there is still only 1 check in my checkbook,
----I can't find the remote,
----I can't find my glasses,
----and I don't remember what in the word I did with the car keys!

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled, because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent.

Don't laugh-- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!!

Growing older is mandatory.
Growing up is optional.
Laughing at yourself is therapeutic.

P.S. I just walked outside and SOMEONE LEFT THE WATER RUNNING IN THE DRIVEWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

R

oops

Robert

I can't see anything on Fleming?

Login to my site go to edit sidebar then attachments

R

Sent message on FB

Last one for today ... I promise

Prince William is in quite a dilemma...If he has a bachelor party, it’s got to be a really weird feeling stuffing money into a stripper’s g-string, when there's a picture of your grandmother on every bill !

R

Who asked her to comment on Gins Housework post ? aghhh

See she has'nt answered the question on the Fleming post yet

I liked the puzzle joke JC

ja...x

Passin' 'em on, RC, passin' 'em on.

You liked the puzzle joke, jax, and not all those others?? ;)

Robs were American and to be honest they meant nothing to me.

ja...x

Yeah, but a Canadian gets 'em. The one about Cheney (you remember, Vice-President Cheney?) is about him shooting his buddy with a load of shot in the face when they were out blasting birds one day. Tried to cover it up, but ... It was pretty obvious to the world they must have been falling down drunk.

Reminds me of my favourite Saturday Night Live skit that they have never ever replayed. My ex No. whatever, the cokehead drunk, was living with me at the time. It was Christmas and they did a spoof of The 12 Days: The 12 Steps of Christmas.

David Crosby (Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young) got Step 8:

Make a list of all the people you have accidentally shot ...



A Canadian fixes the spelling of "cheque" before she passes 'em on to her mum, too. ;)

Prince William isn't American!

I have no interest in our own politics so I have no idea about the American and Canadian ones. I can name American Presidents thats about it.

I have heard a simular one about Prince William before (it may have been about Charles) same sort of joke though

ja...x

and I understand both languages



usually anyway!



s
xx

I would think our jokes about Cameron or any of his sidekicks would'nt go down a storm with your side of the pond ? Unless like you Sylv were born here.
I also do not find American comedians funny, there are a couple that have seemed to made this country home that are ok...dont ask me to name them though

ja...x

I see dally has now made a comment

and so have I



s
xx

actually, ja...x

I appreciate British humour, and understand it ............


BUT I do not understand it when it involves modern politicians or tv stars, because we just don't get the information on them over here.


so I'm as flummoxed as you are when yu are faced with jokes about American personalities.



s
xx

I am pretty knowledgable about a lot of things.. History, geography, old films, old music and general trivia but not politcs...I know you had a premier called Pierre Trudeau thats about all I know about Canada..oh and Celine Dion came from there....there is probably more but I'm getting tired now

ja...x